Georgia On My Mind

Counting the days till we head south...

Friends, food, fun, frolicking.

C e l e b r a t i o n s!

Gotta love getaways. 

Breathe Me

Come closer.

Let me in.

Now breathe me.

Closer still.

Let me see

and touch.

Let me

smell you

as I trace the contours

first with my finger

then my tongue,

each crevice.

the rise and fall

of each muscle,

each

and every

contour,

every inch,

leaving none untouched.

Rest your lips upon mine

and feel my breath.

Breathe me

while I taste the wine

on your tongue,

hungrily exploring

seducing

--yearning for more.

Breath me 

then fill me.

Hold me.

Once more.

Breathe me.

Let me 

feel your strength

within your arms,

catching me

as I fall

into you.

Then 

at last

you 

into me.

          ~T

"Love is when the other person's happiness

is more important than your own."

~Chamfort~

Mom, I miss you.

My mom passed away in June of this year, having been diagnosed with a terminal cancer in Janaury.  A death so ugly and so unexpected, that I never accepted it.  Still. 

She raised four children by herself with not more than "a pot to piss in."  Her list of sacrifices for us over the years outnumber the hairs on my head. 

I know that grief is different for everyone.  I know that it comes and goes in stages.  I also know that I've never come to terms with my own grief.  I don't know how.  Does anyone?

Having been raised to be VERY independent (no father), learning the ropes mostly on my own, to fight for what I want, to sacrifice, to work hard, to not look back, a victim of the "just keep going" mentality, I have this 'THING,' this control thing, this stiff upper lip thing,
this I-can-do-this-by-myself-just-watch-me thing.  That bravado has prevented me from being able to grieve fully, I'm afraid.

I've not been myself since the day she died, but I won't admit to it.  I blame my sullenness on things, people, the weather, traffic, my age, whatever I can think of to blame my inability to "deal with it" (whatever "it" might be), but I haven't considered that it's because I've not worked through my grief and accepted that she's gone.

Memories haunt me continually.  Images, conversations, laughter, smells, keepsakes, traditions, voices, songs, TV shows... and rather than embrace them when confronted, I run.  I run as fast as I can.  What am I running from?  I'm playing make-believe.  Make-believe-Mom-is-still-here-and-she-will-be.

God I miss her so much.  I miss her with an ache I can't even find words to describe.  It's a physical pain as much as it is an emotional pain.  She was too young to die, too strong, too full of life, too vivacious.  She can't be gone.  I'm angry.  I've been cheated.  All those typical feelings that people go through when they lose someone, I'm haunted by them, but I somehow find ways to push them away, suppress them.  I yank on my "COURAGE" mask and "just keep going."

I don't want to deal with this, but I know I must. 

If I don't, it will consume me to the point of no return.

I miss you, Mom.  It hurts.

HUGH JACKMAN....mercy!

"...Then, out of nowhere came the X-Man, Hugh Jackman, pretty much a hybrid of all that is great about Australia.

He's tall, strong, athletic and a bit of a charmer
and ladies man;

Dazzling...(I can't even think clearly)

C'mon, T...
You're staring.

...the latter he most likely inherited from some Irish ancestry somewhere down the line, which is most likely why he was voted People Magazine's World's Sexiest Man 2008! "

FIT TO A T

It was 5:45 when I began my run this morning.  Quiet, dark, the clear sky illuminated with stars.  I could see my breath...a sign of autumn on the way. 

I stopped at the edge of my driveway, began slow deliberate stretches, sipping water, only the sound of my breathing and heartbeat in the stillness of the morning.  Ready?  Yes, responded my inner voice.

I dialed in my MP3 tunes, then began with a brisk walk.  After five minutes, I looked at my stopwatch and said to myself:  Hit it!
And off I went. 

EXHILARATING 
I can think of no better word to describe what a "dark-thirty" run feels like for me, removing cobwebs from my mind,

elevating me to a higher place than when I started,
a rush within and behind and beyond,
my energy and mood having been ignited
by the sheer motion of my feet against the pavement.  Accomplishment. 
Control.

When I begin my mornings with
coffee
and a run,
it jumpstarts my entire day. 
It's my launchpad
 to a successful day.

I read this in a fitness magazine recently:

"You can't beat exercise for escaping prevailing doom and gloom.  In fact, 20 to 30 minutes of moderate aerobic activity, such as a brisk walk, can lift your mood for a solid 12 hours, according to a recent study at the University of Vermont.  The effect is immediate...these are acute changes that can be felt for the better part of the day."

A hearty AMEN to THAT!

Give me a Sign

I'm a sign maker.  I like making signs.  It's that artistic, creative vein in me, that need to make a perennial "statement" on ... well, whatever I need to say at the moment.

Expressions.

And signs make them timeless.

Here is one of the signs I've made.  Granted, not an original design, but I didn't wanna spend $$$ for what they were asking for this sign in a mail order catalog..."Nah," I said, "...I can do THAT!" 

It's perfect for placement on the wall leading to the back door of the house. 

The thing is, like anything else, I have to be "in the mood" or inpsired to get a sign made.  Many of my friends have asked me to make signs for them...they give me a phrase or a word, tell me the colors, etc., and I make them THEIR timeless expression.

I plan to spend the weekend making not-so-permanent signs, but signs for upcoming college football games.  I gotta show team spirit, that make-no-mistake-about-it, we are here to win this game kind of support.  They will hear me, they will see me, they will know I've been at that game.  I bought the very-thick display type poster board from Staples, in red....now I gotta come up with what I wanna say...

an unforgettable statement...

hmmmmm...speak to me, inner voice.....???