Saudade

Forever a word nerd.

It's Christmastime Again

My third and youngest son arrived home from his first semester of college last night.

The UK freshman is

Home for Christmas.

He's matured leaps and bounds.

His curly blonde hair is long and wavy and wild.

She likes it that way.

I'm still getting used to it.

But it's growing on me.

He's worked his butt off to make straight A's.

Finals were finished up yesterday.

We shall see.

He asked for brownies with red chocolate chips.

I sip a glass of red...

as the brownies bake

and the music plays

and my mind wanders

very,

very,

far.

Inescapably.

Empty Nest feels ...

.... no one way to describe how it feels.  I thought I'd be okay with this.  Was actually proud that I was handling his leaving for college pretty well.  All is good.  Just another chapter.

And then it hits me today, the day before he leaves for college.  Tomorrow is move-in day.  And Momma Bird says, "But wait...I need to be sure he's ready...because...what if he isn't ready, God?"  And after wiping the tears, she whispers one more prayer, "Father, if he isn't quite ready, will You help him...fly?  Can you please be the wind beneath his wings, Father, when I'm no longer there to watch over him....Let him fly, let him soar!"

Season of Change

"...It’s a Season of Change ...

and the Night We’ve Waited for Is Here.."

It's been exactly one week today...and I'm still smiling broadly inside as I reflect back onto that late afternoon and evening when I witnessed their vows and watched them dance the first dance on the shiny wooden floor, as the crowd smiled, and cheered, some with tears ... myself included...and as I listen even now to their song, I struggle to fight back the happy tears...

(Their first dance...incredibly moving!)

We left town for the wedding on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, taking two cars.  My husband drove my youngest son’s car, stopping to get my oldest son (best man) on the way, taking along his mother to deposit her at Aunt Karen’s, who lives an hour and a half away from the wedding.  She would stay with Aunt Karen until wedding day, and then the two of them would drive to the wedding together, spend the night with us at the Marriott, and the next morning my husband would drive his mom back home and Aunt Karen would drive back to her home.  A good solid plan, avoiding having to babysit “Grandma” while we all busied about the days leading up to the wedding.  And so he got a headstart that morning, while I waited for my youngest son to hurry up and get his act together so that we TOO could get on the road. 

As it turns out, when we finally got ready to leave, we discovered that my battery was dead.  The only car left in the driveway to jump start the dead battery was my husband’s BMW, and we quickly learned that BMW hides their batteries.  My son had never jump started a car anyway, and not being able to locate the battery in the BMW made it twice as stressful.   After texting back and forth fifty times with my husband, he ended up turning around and driving back home to get my battery started with the car he was driving, the more user-friendly Toyota.  They keep their batteries in plain view, bless their hearts. 

We finally get on the road two hours later than we had planned.  We had an appointment at the tux rental place for all the guys to have their final fitting, which we were not gonna make timely.  A call was made and they agreed to move the appointment forward a couple of hours.  When we arrived, we hurried in to get their fittings underway.  As she was measuring Gavin’s pants leg (who’s been in a major bulking phase since his spring competition), she made a comment about how large his thighs were, and then said, “Are you a body builder?”  After a slight hesitation, he replied simply, “Sometimes.”  I giggled out loud.  Add that to my wedding week quote book!

Leaving there, my sons were starving, Z and C having not eaten since that morning.  Gavin informed us that Elisabeth's dad had invited us to join their family at the local Moose Lodge for Wing Night.  DEAL.  I love good wings, and I was sure if they met HIS approval – notoriously anal about most things, and particularly food – that they’d be delicious.  And they were.  And their homemade ranch dressing was to die for.  I tried a yummy new seasonal beer! We spent a memorable fun-filled evening with the two families, the Present Day Brady Bunch, chowing on wings, beer, and for good measure, macaroni and cheese bites (C’s choice), laughing, and telling stories.  The guys ended up going to the next room to shoot pool for an hour or so while the women hung out and continued laughing and bonding and romanticizing of the days ahead.  We headed back to our motel and enjoyed a good night’s rest after a long day on the road.  Our motel rooms were very nice, accommodating, and the beds were incredibly comfortable.  This would be our home for the next few days.

The next morning Lis and I stopped by a local Italian marketplace to buy samples of their cheese to put in the welcome bags I had made for our guests arriving from Georgia and North Carolina.  Just walking into that place, Delallo’s , I was intoxicated by the yummy smells of baked bread, cheese, sauces, soups, dips, cakes, cookies – the place was bustling with people and employees.  I wanted one of everything!

Up next on our agenda was a 1:00 appointment at Bell’s Banquets where the reception would be held.  We had two hours to get that place decorated.  Both families were there to help, as well as cousins, best friends, and a few aunts and uncles.  Busy as bees, flying around hanging lights, setting and embellishing centerpieces, hanging signs and garland, photos, gift table décor, all of it.  It was beautiful, just as they'd wanted -- RUSTIC ELEGANCE --and I couldn’t wait to see all the candles lit, hear the music playing, and get on with the celebration!  This place was gorgeous.  The PERFECT setting for romance.

The sign I made them...she'd pinned this sign on Pinterest,

and I surprised her with it when we began decorating.

Their wedding theme:  The Love Chapter.

The escort card table...
My husband sawed grooves in logs and 
I embellished them with moss, acorns and hemlock pine cones.

Lis practiced her Father/Bride dance with her dad on the dance floor -- they're both fabulous dancers -- and Gavin and I practiced our Mom/Groom dance in the parking lot as we were leaving, giggling every step!

Back to the motel, freshen up, then head to the church.  Thank God for GPS.  I had no idea where any of these places were, but I had street addresses, and that got us there without a hitch.  My youngest son C was chauffeuring his older brother Z, and they made it their mission to arrive fashionably late to everything all week – which added to my stress, but it always seemed to work out.  (Are they lost?  Did they have a wreck?  Are you sure they’re coming?  Did anyone tell them where we are?  Why can’t they be on time just once!) Worry, worry, worry, Mother of the Groom.  It never did any good.

Rehearsal went well -- once the groomsmen finally arrived!  And then we headed to The Fire Pit, a local favorite restaurant for the rehearsal dinner.  It was a long and leisurely dinner, great food, lots of family and friends, and more laughing, bonding, celebrating.  I had brisket tacos – one of their specialties and it’s what I was in the mood for – and they were delicious!   Afterwards, Uncle Ray – a HOOT! – invited Gavin & Lis and my husband and I over to his home – uh, rather to his man cave, for drinks and chill time.  Now THAT man knows how to build a man cave!  A garage apartment style, built over his detached garage, beautifully paneled, full bar, huge TV on the wall, video games, overstuffed sofas and fashionable bar stools -- the WORKS.  Unreal.  And of course ever since, Uncle Ray seems to have a growing list of friends who enjoy hanging out at his place...any wonder???  So yes, we had a blast.  Uncle Ray is hysterical!  He even offered to chauffeur Grandma and Aunt Karen from the wedding to the reception since they're not GPS saavy. What a guy!  Everyone needs an Uncle Ray.

The next day was Thanksgiving.  Gavin and Lis would not see each other at all on this day before the wedding.  So we took our three sons to see Creed at the matinee showing, then later met our friends from Georgia at the motel afterward, once their flight had arrived.  We hung out, catching up and reminiscing in the lobby before heading off to celebrate Thanksgiving Dinner at Cracker Barrel, one of the handful of restaurants open on Thanksgiving Day.  It was the first Thanksgiving I’d ever spent away from home in my life.  But it was fantastic, spending it with long-time friends we’d not seen since summer at Marco Island.  It was a special and memorable opportunity to give thanks – for love and friendships and family and blessings.  We stayed up late that night to greet our other "Marco friends" who were driving up from North Carolina, sharing a glass of wine and relaxing with them in the plush, relaxing lobby at the Marriott.  I was so blessed that our friends would sacrifice their holiday weekends to celebrate with us so far away!

The next morning I met all the women at her salon, where they served up mimosas and breakfast treats while having our hair done in varying degrees of up-do’s.  Lots of giggling, wisecracks and girly banter – what a blast.  Even her Grandmother Sally was there; she chose to have a beautiful wide band at the base of her up-do, embellished with bling.  So classy!  She too was a hoot!

Later in early afternoon, Gavin joined us to get ready with his dad and brothers at our motel, and then we made our way to the church.  As usual, his brothers were late leaving the motel and arrived at the church much later than the three of us did.  It didn’t bother Gavin in the least.  He was calm and collected and assured.  This was the day he’d been waiting for, and he was ready, eyes wide open.  Life is good.  Love is good.  God is good.   And me?  I had never been so proud, so happy.  My son was marrying the love of his life…!  Suppressing the wave of emotion inside me, I was determined to hold it together.  

And the rest of the story is told through song and photos and laughter and tears and cheers...

The music and dancing was incredible.

Everyone was having such a great time!

Even my oldest son joined the dancing -- I couldn't believe it!

This was epic.

 

 The next to the last song of the night...
(What awesome DJ's ... they were able to dig this song
out just for me, special request!)

And all three sons totally rocked this Irish jig!

Everyone kept asking me, 

"How did they learn to Irish dance?"

Who knew!

I can't stop reliving the memories 

over and over in my mind.

He made the right choice.

Her beautiful spirit matches her beautiful countenance,

with a heart the size of Texas.

One of the most selfless people I've ever met in my life.
I love her family.
She's going to make the perfect daughter-in-law.

She's absolutely PERFECT for him

and loves him more than life.

I could not be happier.

Awakenings

I've been on an extended hiatus with my blog posts.

It felt like the right thing to do at the time.

But I'm finding it to be damaging to my emotional health?

I think?

In the absence of the outpouring of the heart upon paper,

my soul feels a bit dormant.

I need to loosen it.  

Let it breathe again.

I'll Be Home for Christmas (shhhh! it's a secret!)

Jon, his mother, Gavin, Colton and I had gotten ready and headed to Candlelight Christmas Eve service, as we always do.  I had promised Zach that we'd try to Skype the service for him so he could enjoy it too from Japan -- no promises, since they were holding services in the old chapel part of the church, built in the 1800's, and I wasn't confident we'd be able to secure a connection.  But Colton managed to connect with him via Skype on his iPhone.  Colton, you da man.   Yay.  Zach can be included!

Zach had told Colton that he could probably only watch 30 minutes or so of the service, and he asked him to try to cover my song (I had been asked to sing Breath of Heaven as part of the service).  As we were leaving the church, the most meaningful part of Christmas, my emotions were running high.  The immense joy I felt for the Gift of Christ to us, and the melancholy I felt for memories and faces and voices of Christmases past.  But this Christmas, I was giving thanks that Gavin was able to get enough time off from work that he could make the trip to be with us, even though his girlfriend, an RN, had to work long shifts at the hospital both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, preventing her from coming along with him.

We would have Christmas Eve dinner together, pulled pork sandwiches with easy sides and appetizers and desserts -- of course, desserts!  But Gavin mentioned that he had errand to run.  He needed to go see his Mexican friend, that he had something to give him, and he'd be back in about 45 minutes.  (Mexican friend?  What Mexican friend?) Somewhat annoyed that he'd leave to go see a friend just as we were getting ready to sit down to Christmas Eve dinner.  But I didn't want to nag.  I had lost that right when he moved out a few years ago... hadn't I?  So I put on my "understanding" face and told him we'd wait for him.

The clock ticked away the time, and I began to wonder why he was out visiting a friend on Christmas Eve when he should be with us.  He hadn't been home since March!  This wasn't working out like I'd hoped.  Grandma was getting stressed out because we weren't going by the "agenda."  Relax, Grandma.  We're ALL hungry.  It's Christmas Eve.  We're not going anywhere.  He'll be back soon.  And then Chessie announced his arrival even before he'd made it to the back door -- a dog's keen sense of hearing.  Great.  Now we can eat.  I told everyone to grab a plate and we'd eat buffet style, and the line quickly formed.  The Christmas music was playing in the background, and every candle in the house was lit -- too numerous to count.  All was well.  Let's continue the celebration...
 And then the doorbell rings.

"Who would be ringing the doorbell on Christmas Eve?"

"Maybe it's the UPS man with a late delivery."

"I don't think so.  Or maybe... I don't know.  Hmmmm."

"Go see, Mom.  Maybe it's a delivery."

"All right," as I headed down the hall to the front door.

And as I peered out the sidelights, there stood Zach, grinning from ear to ear, hands in his pockets.  A vision?  And then I screamed through happy tears that could not be contained, "ZACH!!!"  I opened the door and we embraced...I thought I was gonna squeeze the life out of him...and I couldn't let go.  And I couldn't stop screaming .,. and laughing...and crying!  Zach had come home for Christmas!  So THAT'S where Gavin had gone.  Not to see his MEXICAN friend, but to the airport to pick up his brother.  (That Gavin.  Always the prankster.)

And THAT'S why Zach wasn't able to watch the entire service -- he would be in flight in that last connection from Charlotte to Charleston.

What a fabulous surprise for Christmas -- and all three sons were in on it!

Christmas 2014 -- all my sons home together.  It's ALL I wanted.  Incidentally, the wool camel coat?  Yep.  Got it!  And I was thrilled to see that it fit perfectly, bringing a very big smile to my face.  But having all three sons with me on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?  Nothing can ever come close to the joy of a mother's love.

Home For Christmas...indeed!

 

(My FAVORITE recording of this song.)