This is To Have Succeeded

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheesecake

While surfing for something totally unrelated to THIS blog post, I saw a widget that caught my eye which said:

What kind of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake are YOU?

So naturally I click on the widget and take the test -- five questions, relatively simple, not much hesitation to my answers.

So what cheesecake am I?

Chocolate
Peanut Butter

Cheesecake

 

Surprised to learn this.

But then what do "personality tests" know?

I would have chosen something more along the lines

of Heath Bar....or German Chocolate...Coconutty somethin or other...

Yes, I like peanut butter.

And I'm sure it's a good choice.

But it likely would not have been my first choice.

But here goes my results:

You take things seriously... but never too seriously.

You know how to lighten up the mood.
You dislike mundane, routine tasks.

You put off doing chores.
You live in the present moment,

and you like to savor each day you've been given.
You take time to savor every moment.

You believe that life is about the simple things.

THESE ARE PRETTY MUCH ON POINT.

But why chocolate peanut butter...???????

I Need You in My LIfe

I had coffee with my oldest sister this morning at Tim Horton's. It was early fall the last time I saw her; that's tragic. Sisters, and we rarely see each other, yet live only 10 miles or so apart.

We have very different lives. Busy lives. Varied agendas. Different social networks.

Sometimes when too much time has passed that I haven't seen her, heard from her, I start getting worried that she's mad at me. Did I say something? Did I do something to offend her? Did I miss a special event? Surely I've dropped the ball. Guilty conscience. It can destroy me if I let it.

And then we finally connect via cell phone, and hearing her voice I know immediately: No, she's fine. I'm fine. We're fine. Life is just greedy. It robs us of relationships.

So we had coffee -- trying to cram into a two-hour window all that had taken place in the last 4-5 months in each other's lives.  We talked, we listened, we laughed, we cried, we talked about Mom... we remembered.  We shared photos taken over the holidays, captured moments that were meant to be spent together, narrating at record speed cliff-note style, hoping we hadn't missed anything really big, really important, meaningful.  But we're SISTERS.  Isn't it ALL meaningful?  Isn't everything we share REALLY BIG?  No time for details?  EVEN the details.

 
She asked me to forgive her.  For WHAT?  For not showing up in your life more often.  You?  This is a two-way street here.  What about me showing up in YOUR life?   Don't be silly.  I don't want an apology from you.  But I want you to hear my apology, see it, and just know that ... (tears in her eyes).  I do see you.  I see what I've missed.  We need each other you know.  I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE. 

We exchanged belated Christmas gifts, agreeing that it was almost better to have waited, to prolong the celebration of the season of love and giving.  She gave me a great pair of earrings (she knows my taste), some homemade candles (I couldn't stop sniffing them right there at the table -- cranberries & cloves!), books, and a beautiful scarf.  All so thoughtful.  All so ME.

Time passed far too quickly, as we both realized, stealing glances at the clock on the wall, that we each had a zillion things on our schedules to do on our day off (MLK Day). We promised each other -- AGAIN -- that we would try harder. We would make it a point to be together more this year, to call more often, plan shopping trips together, schedule coffee time.

I'll call you later this week.  Yes, please do, and send me pictures of the bathroom -- I wanna see the masterpiece when it's finished.  Oh, I will.  I'm so excited to show you the artwork I found to go with it.  And I'll send you that sheet music you wanted.  Yes, that will be perfect!  And if you have time, can you run by that house that's on the market and give me your gut feeling on it -- if you have time?  I have time.  Yes, I will.  I promise.  I'll go by there sometime later this afternoon.  I'll call you, okay?  Okay.  Thanks for my coffee and bagel.  You're welcome.  I love you.  I love YOU.  Hey, and don't forget...I meant it...I really meant what I said:  I need you in my life.

Les Miserables

There are some movies (and musicals) that just leave deep and lasting impressions on us.  My list is a long one.  But this movie, Les Miserables, starring Liam Neeson and Uma Thurmon -- two of my favorite actors -- is one I should have long ago bought and added to my collection. 

I happened to see a picture of Liam Neeson today while surfing the net -- fodder for another blog entry, he's SO sexy! -- which prompted a flashback to this movie.  It just so happens that he stars in two of my favorite movies, this one, and Love Actually. 

Maybe I'll head out today and buy these two DVD's.  It's cold out, and it's the weekend, and I'm in the mood to snuggle in and get comfy/cozy and watch a good movie.  Or two.

And Uma Thurmon, a woman of unsurpassed style, sex appeal and beauty, not to mention her talent, THOSE EYES, the most hauntingly beautiful eyes, she's cast perfectly for Les Miserables.  I once bought an issue of In Style magazine featuring her on the cover in a white bikini, with silver trim and a white net coverup.  STRIKING.  All of it.  It was one of those covers that just FORCES you to buy the magazine.  Breathtakingly beautiful.  (I still have it; great article and cover story on her.)






(I ADORE this picture of her! Fabulous hair!)


And then there's Liam Neeson -- standing 6'4 (and that's only part of the draw, tall men catch my eye every time), was once described by a theatre critic as a "towering sequoia of sex."   Is there really any need to elaborate more?

Beautiful.  Sexy.  Charismatic.  Theses two have it all.

Yep.  It's showtime...looking forward to some good entertainment on this cold winter's night.

A Frisky Frisk?

As a court reporter, along with the mundane issues we hear day in and day out, we often get entertained with more, well ... "amusing" court cases, litigants with questionable character, dress code, body language, allegations, or all of the above.  I could tell stories about these for days and days on end.

It's unfortunate that I did not taken the time to chronicle these stories in some sort of book.  I may have made some solid cash by now on the publishing rights.

An excerpt from court this week:

STUD GOES TO COURT

ALLEGING HARDWARE DAMAGES

(Pro se plaintiff is in court, alleging that a police officer in a search/frisk situation "bag-tagged" him, causing extensive pain and permanent damage, and is suing the local police department for emotional distress and damages.  The plaintiff admits that he had been to his family doctor, prior to the alleged officer misconduct,  for ongoing pain in his testicles, which was later determined to be caused from a benign cyst.)

THE COURT:  Okay.  Let's assume that this police officer did do this to you.  Do you think a grope or a bag tag is worth 15,000 bucks?

JOHN DOE:  I still hurt down there.  Yeah.

THE COURT:  Maybe you're hurting because of your cyst and not because of the bag tag.

JOHN DOE:  I don't think that, Your Honor, you know, because it wasn't hurting before.  Honestly.  You know, if I thought that, then I would just drop the case.

THE COURT:  When did this happen?

JOHN DOE:  This happened October 15 th , 2008.  And it still feels like someone is groping me down there, the same way he did that.  I guess he must have thought I had -- probably like weed or something.   I was going to become a New York police officer.

THE COURT:  You were?  What happened?

JOHN DOE:  Well, I guess I got stressed out.  Because, you know, it happened three days before my test.  I had to pull over because I was hurting.  When I came back, I went back to the doctor.  I was still hurting.

THE COURT:  Your doctor hasn't told you that you got any permanent problem, has he?

JOHN DOE:  He says that, you know, that -- I keep telling him that, you know, that I have problems, you know, getting an erection because of this.  And it's the truth.

THE COURT:  You do?

JOHN DOE:  Yes, you know, and it takes a toll on me.

THE COURT:  Do what?

JOHN DOE:  It takes a toll on me.

THE COURT:  What?

JOHN DOE:  The love life and stuff.  And I don't even know why this girl is with me.  I guess she loves me.

THE COURT:  I guess.

JOHN DOE:  Ask her.  Put her under oath.

THE COURT:  Well, she wouldn't lie about it, would she?

JOHN DOE:  I don't know.  Do girls lie?  Ask her.

THE COURT:  So you can't get an erection, huh?

JOHN DOE:  If it happens, it happens.  But I'm telling you, it's not like it used to be.

THE COURT:  Do you always have problems getting them?

JOHN DOE:  No.  Not at all, not before.  Oh, no.  I used to be a humping mule.

(Suppressed laughter in the courtroom.)



THE COURT:  Oh, yeah?  So just since this bag tagging, huh?

JOHN DOE:  Yeah.  I think when he actually groped me and thought I had something down there, that's when it hit.

THE COURT:  You didn't have an erection when he grabbed you, did you?

JOHN DOE:  Oh, no.  I don't like guys.  I mean, if he turned around, I might have give him a reach-around -- just kidding, just kidding.

Ring in the Year with Friendships

I hosted a New Year's Eve party this year at my house.  It was fun sending out invitations, planning the party food menu, the decorations -- ESPECIALLY the decorations! 

My son's girlfriend was in town and she
enjoyed
the celebration
of family and friends along with us.

What a hit.  AND the weather mild enough to enjoy a fire out on the patio that night!  We were able to hear through the speakers by fireside the
music and sounds of Times Square and the last few minutes before the ball dropped.

What a fun way to usher out the old and in the new... great memories indeed! 

Here's to another year of happiness shared among family and friends!

Capturing a Winter Sunset

On a walk this past weekend, in search of a sunset ...

I live in a subdivision, obscured by trees, houses, hills -- and never get to feast on my beloved canvas of nature -- SUNSET.

These were taken about two miles from my house, having gotten in some good hard cardio climbing a hill near my neighborhood. 

It was worth it.

I struck GOLD.

Can't-Believe-It Good!

SUPREME PROTEIN
CARB CONSCIOUS
PROTEIN BARS!

CALORIES:  190
CARBS:         13 G
PROTEIN:    15 G
FAT:                9 G

This is my
go-to
indulgence when I'm wanting something chocolate (like now?) and I want to keep it low in carbs without tasting like a mix between plastic and cardboard.

I've tried a lot of low carb protein bars, and this one is the winner hands down.  If I'm gonna eat "candy," it may as well be good for me and pack some protein in for good measure.  HITS.THE.SPOT. 

It's a keeper. 
Which reminds me...I need to place another order with Netrition.com  -- my first choice for health food and supplements. 

Today's order:

Carb Conscious Supreme Protein Bars (Peanut Butter Crunch!)
Smokin Joe Jones BBQ sauce
Powdered Peanut Butter
Gaspari Myofusion Whey Protein
Scivation Xtend (BCAA supplement)

I've gotten way too lazy over the holidays with all of my off-plan eating.  It's time to break away for good, not just for a day or two.  I don't feel good physically or mentally when I eat unhealthy crap.  I owe it to myself to get back on plan and STAY on plan.

Starting with this order...
Starting with today.

Bookmarks

"And when my soul

was in the

lost and found,

you came along

to claim it..."

-- Aretha Franklin

I'm reminded now and then of the people who have come in and out of my life, leaving inescapable lasting impressions. 

Flashbacks. 

I relive their words, their laughter, even their tears.  They came to me at just the right time.  At just the right season.  For just the right reason. 

I want to flip back to those chapters.  I want to re-read them.  Again and again.   

I seem to have misplaced my bookmarks.

But at least for now, my memory serves me well.

My First Bodybuilding Competition -- GO FIGURE!

Although I've been meaning to, I've never gotten around to blogging about the results of the recent chapter of my life, "Time to Shine."  The holidays got in the way, life in general, and it frankly got shoved to the back of my "to do" list.

It's time to shed light on this fabulous experience -- My First Figure Competition.  Even typing those words, staring at them in unbelief, it still seems bewildering that I actually went through with this and that it ended up being one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life.  But I did it. 
I COMPETED IN A FIGURE COMPETITION
AT 51 YEARS OF AGE! 
GO "FIGURE!"

And so my story goes...

On August 15th of this year, twelve weeks out from "showtime," I made the decision to compete in my first figure competition – Masters Figure 45+. I had just turned 51, and it was now or never. I wasn’t getting any younger – yet my passion for fitness and strength training was blazing stronger than ever before.

My inner voice screamed: 

Do it, T!  It's what you love! 

It's what drives you.  

The time has come: 

MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

My first competition experience was a mostly positive one. The prep itself – both dieting and training – were quite challenging at times, but in retrospect, abundantly rewarding: The dieting (devised by my coach) paid off with my body responding in unprededented fashion to carefully chosen fuel, resulting in lean gains and noticeably progressive fat loss. The strategic training resulted in gains of lean muscle in my abs, back and delts, while stripping away layers of fat from my hips and thighs, a problem area for as long as I can remember (and will always be, since I gain there FIRST).

Implementing a rotation diet of rather low carbs while training six days a week, there were times when I became very depleted, did not get adequate rest (up too late and up too early), and my body protested with noticeable dips in energy, but I persisted, and my CNS eventually reset and progress continued.  Reflecting back on conversations I'd had with my coach throughout the prep, there were a few comments that she made to me that seem to stand out, forever branded in my memory:

"You won't believe how much your body is going to change..." 


"Your current weight (6 weeks into the prep and about 8 pounds lighter) will likely be your new status quo or maintenance weight from this point forward."

"You are not going to believe how lean you get a week or two out from showtime."


"Be prepared to have to buy new clothes for work, because even a belt and baggy sweaters won't suffice after a while."


"This is a prep diet.  This is what you eat.  Nothing else.  You follow it to a T with no deviations.  You eat every three hours regardless, no exceptions, protein at every meal." 

We arrived at the event site Friday afternoon in Louisville, Kentucky: NPC Kentucky Muscle. At the briefing meeting after my tanning session on Friday night, I learned that this show was one of the largest shows in the country – how daunting!  Had I known that going in, would I have decided to compete?  Not sure.  Yikes.  Just glad I DIDN'T know.

As it turns out, there were 13 total competitors in the Masters Figure 45+ Division, and I ended up placing 8th. Would I have liked to place in the top 5? Hell, yes. But realistically, it was my first competition, and my goal was to leave the stage placing anywhere but last.  Frankly, it suprised me that some of the women who placed in the top 5 were not as muscular or as defined as I am, but those women boasted an overall more petite frame and it's possible that’s what the judges were looking for “this time.” A petite frame I’ll never be.  And that’s fine.  I strive for MY PERSONAL BEST, and leave the rest to what is meant to be.  Afterall, it was more about Me vs. Me.  As it should be.

Regardless of the outcome of my first competition, the beauty of this experience was that I was able to get into the best shape of my life. My energy was out the roof, along with my self-confidence and mindset.  Despite the rigorous training, I felt energetic, focused, strong, lean, confident and driven like never before – what an amazing high!  That alone was worth the effort I had put forth in the last 12 weeks!

On the morning we left town, I packed my food that I was directed to eat, carefully weighed and placed into baggies, small portions of chicken, oats, sweet potatoes and fish. Water was cut back starting two days out from competition, and I tracked that closely. I hardly slept a wink the night before show day, excited out of my mind, a zillion thoughts running through my head. I considered getting out of bed several times that night to practice posing in the bathroom…I had practiced posing as much as I could, but it’s never enough, so they say.

My spray tanning session was eventful. We had to make an appointment for our spray tan, and the lines were long, but run like clockwork. The tanning sponsors insisted on two coats for the figure competitors (in fact, for most competitors), and I was shocked at how DARK I was walking out of that tent. All you could see were teeth! Ooh-lah-lah, I thought to myself, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror ... very exotic, ethnic-looking! COOL. This is unreal! I had to wear all black, no panties, no bra, the entire first evening, sleeping in loose black clothing so as not to smear/ruin my tan until it had properly set. We were told to bring dark sheets so as not to ruin the sheets at the hotel (and yes,they WOULD charge us for the damage). 

I met lots of wonderful people at the competition, both men and women. an amazing group of focused, dedicated, disciplined athletes, all with reciprocal respect for each other. We talked, laughed, exchanged stories, training tips, diets, suit makers.  We pumped up backstage together, borrowed each other's lipstick, hairspray, whatever other essentials.  Encouragement flowed freely, as did the excitement and anticipation of showtime.  (This was one of the things that I was worried about, hanging around back stage for hours in nothing but a very tiny bikini -- in mixed company!  How daunting it seemed at the time.)  Having put in my time and followed the directives of my coach, there was nothing to be embarrassed about, as it turns out.  I was in the BEST shape of my entire life, and it seemed perfectly natural to be in that bikini amid all those athletes, strutting our stuff, proving ourselves worhty of our hard work.  It was so uplifting to be included among this group of competitors, and we made it a point to exchange email addresses at the end of the day.

There were stressful times during my prep in which I wanted to just sit and cry – namely when my competition suit was late arriving for my first fitting, only to find that the woman/seamstress from whom I’d ordered it sent me the wrong suit – wrong fit, wrong color! Great. And it was already late in arriving, the competition only a week away, which allowed me ZERO time to pose in my suit, and presented even more stress not knowing that the replacement suit – assuming it even arrived in time for the competition – would fit properly. It was indeed stressful beyond words, and all when my dieting was being "dialed in," so they call it, making me more irritable, more depleted, yet still having to keep up with the training and cardio demands, juggle work and life and family and …
well, S T R E S S

unlike I’d ever experienced before!  Ultimately, although I had ordered a purple suit, I ended up having to settle for a “stock” color because she would have had to order the purple fabric, and we only had a week left before competition, she having admitted screwing up my order to start with.  She offered me a modest discount for my “inconvenience," but that hardly helped calm my fears and misgivings.  I settled for pink (Pink?  I never really liked pink, frankly), and it arrived mercifully in the nick of time, the evening BEFORE I left for the competition.  Last-minute mending adjustments were necessary as it turns out, and with the clock ticking my coach adjusted and fitted me with the suit Friday night following my spray tanning session.  Looking back now, it still pisses me off how unfair that was to me, the whole suit screw-up ordeal!

Indulgences:  We were told by our coach to pack a few things that we'd been craving the most to have just after the show.  I was careful to pack my beloved Ergo, a wonderful Spanish red wine that I delightfully encountered a bit more than a year ago and have never let go since (there was no way I was leaving for the competition without it) some Pretzel M&M’s, Parmesan Pita Chips, and homemade Mississippi Mud that a friend had made for our family a week or so before (I saved my servings in ziplocs in the freezer to take them with me).  I was allowed to have half a glass of Ergo just before going on stage.  It would help calm me while also helping to shuttle the glycogen to my muscles for the coveted "pump."  When other competitors saw my Ergo, they begged me to share, which I of course did.  The wine was a hit -- of course it was!  It's Ergo!

Following the competition, we all went out for pizza in Louisville’s best-loved pizza place, Wick’s Pizza. I ordered a 10” chicken pizza with lots of veggies and ate it all by myself! (Inset pic showing the morning after pizza pigout) I proceeded to eat with reckless abandon for the next two days (although I had intended to limit it to the next 24 hrs only), and I don’t even want to guess at how many calories and/or carbs I ingested in that amount of time. Shameful doesn’t come close. Afterward I felt miserably bloated and disgusted with myself. (But that’s fodder for another blog entry perhaps!) 

Competition having come and gone, I now have to decide if I want to compete again.  Following the rich and off-plan holiday indulgences, I'm anxious to get back to clean eating and training.  My goal is to maintain as closely as possible to my competition weight, no more than 5-7 lbs above.  I loved feeling that way, looking that way, at that weight.  My energy was out the roof, and I’d never been happier, more confident.  I want to relive that feeling!  "Oh, sometimes, I get a good feeling..."  as the song goes.  You did it once, do it again, T. 

So.  It’s time to work off this post-holiday bloat and get back to business, working on perfecting my problem areas, and dialing in on definition.  Build it, Baby.  

Flashback:  Late 60's, early 70's...I see a little fat girl, stuffing cookies, cakes and candy in her mouth, terribly shy, lacking self-confidence, teased about her weight by her classmates, seeking purpose, meaning, wanting released from her shell...years pass, now a teenager, dieting, fighting the fat demon, the scale, wishing she could be "normal" like her friends/classmates and eat pizza without guilt, sentenced to a life of watching everything she put in her mouth, trying to make sense of this never-ending cycle...could she ever conquer the demon?  Would she eventually become a healthy, fit young (older) woman...?

Life Comes Full Circle.

Will I compete again?  I'm not ruling it out.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I plan to return to ME VS. ME.  My agenda?  MY PERSONAL BEST.  It's my passion, this whole fitness thing, a burning fire in my heart for what I love...and it should be no surprise ... I aim to Keep It Lit.

GO FIGURE!