Talk [Silly] to Me

Text message exchanges between my son and I...

He's just picked up his girlfriend from out of town to spend New Year's with us, she having spent Christmas with her family on vacay in Florida...

They're out having a bite to eat after letting her shop for her Christmas present at an eclectic, fun, hip and highly-recommended little boutique (compliments of Moi)...



G:  THIS UR SON GET 2 BAGS TORTILLA CHIPS OK GOOD JOB
T:  GOT HUGE ONE
G:  GOOD
T:  AND STACY'S PLAIN PITA CHIPS AND MULTIGRAIN FRENCH BREAD FOR BAGUETTES AND SUNFLOWER BREAD
T:  AND WHITE CHEDDAR POPCORN CHIPS -- CHIPINS
T:  AND SHRIMP COCKTAIL, MEATBALLS W LC SAUCE, AND INGREDS FOR ASIAGO SPINACH DIP, AND PETITE QUICHES AND MOZZ BITES
G:  YUM
T:  BONELESS WINGS
G:  DID YOU BUY THE WHOLE STORE
T:  NO I LEFT A FEW SCRAPS FOR OTHERS FROM THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART
G:  YOU DO ME PROUD

What's New?

 

I’ve said this countless times before.  I think I was born in the wrong era.  LOVE THIS MUSIC!

As I was having coffee this morning in the still of early morning, this piece by tenor saxophonist Dexter Gordon playing softly in the background, I found myself reflecting on the word “new.”

·       New Year

·       new attitude

·       new beginnings

·       new babies

·       new workout gloves

·       new resolutions

·       new fixtures for my bathroom

·       new roof

·       new manicure

·       new refrigerator

·       new front door

·       new music

I listed these in no particular order.  But on the eve of a new year’s dawning, I began to think of what changes I needed to make, both intangible and tangible, in the months ahead.  I remember last January and February going through all sorts of funky bottom-of-the-barrel moments with an overwhelming sadness that I could not seem to shake.  Not having experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree, it caught me off guard.  I wasn’t prepared for it.  I didn’t understand it.  I was helpless in overcoming it.  Powerless over the chains that bound me, I felt angry at myself.  I had no right to feel sad.  None.  Not when I compared myself to the rest of the world, the wrongs, the losses, sickness, tragedies.  Count your blessings already, T.  Get a frikkin grip.  This is pitiful!

Depression, I now know, is not something that can easily be fixed.  Depression can sneak up on us gradually, or it can hit us suddenly like a bat out of hell.  Either way, our first instinct is denial.   Depression?  Phew.  Not me.  I’m much bigger than this.  Snap out of it.  Just watch me.

But it’s not always that simple.

So as this new year arrives, I have already begun to wonder what effect the winter months will have on me.  Can you handle it, T?  Are you ready?  I think of the things in my life that leave me with a sense of discontent.  Sadness.  Frustration.   Restlessness.  Helplessness.  I ask myself:  What can I do to counter these negative emotions and make every day as productive as I can?  To make every day count?  To restore a sense of balance and accomplishment and trust and hope and courage and resilience to my life?

Often it’s as simple as finding distractions.  That word, distractions.  I use it a lot.  But it’s proved to be a very effective antidote for negative emotions.  Short-lived distractions.  Long-term distractions.  Just find something, anything, that demands an immediate focus, something that will fan the flame of my brain’s mental processes into victorious, productive action. 

And so my NEW list comes to mind.  Each of those will serve to hit my happy button and keep me afloat when I find myself sinking into the onset of melancholy.  My friend’s daughter, who lives in Georgia, gave birth to her first baby the day after Christmas.  Hearing the joy in her voice as she broke the news to me on the phone, I smiled to myself, imagining the sweet, soft skin of that new life, a little miracle resting in her grandma’s arms.  The epitome of blissfulness and joy. 

Santa surprised me with new workout gloves.  YAY.  What a thrill.  I kept proudly staring at them the other day at the gym, oh-yeah, look at me, new workout gloves.  Yep, I rock.  And I downloaded three new albums from Amazon (great specials they were running on Christmas Eve!) to enliven my world with fresh, upbeat and inspiring tunes.  Love it when my MP3 player channels to each new selection, renewing my energy and motivation with each rep, each set.   Oh, and new cookware, which I sorely needed--mine was on its very last pitiful dying breath.  HOW I look forward to making good use of those.   And, yes, a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure!  Woo-hoo!  Already trying to decide on a color.  Leaning toward a sexy winter hue, maybe Lincoln Park After Dark, or something similar.  And new earrings, which I’ve already worn – funny how such a simple thing like new earrings can lift me up! 

But the happiness that material things bring can be short-lived.  Quick fixes.  What are my long-term fixes of NEW? 

As I live and learn, I now know that there are ways to help counter negativity.  I will start with these resolutions and then wait expectantly to see how, if kept, they will galvanize my willpower and spirit to overcome.  Stay positive.  Bounce back.  Make a difference. 

·       This 50-Something Diva plans to resume a very clean diet, with only one cheat meal a week, tracking my food a minimum of five days a week.  Diet is 80-90% of successful health and fitness.  Been there.  Just do it.

·       I plan to hit the gym a minimum of four days each week.

·       I plan to do at least 30 minutes of cardio five to six days a week, beginning with my first ever spinning class – I’ve already signed up this coming Thursday at 6:00.  Can’t wait to try this out!

·       I plan to faithfully begin each day with reading the Bible, devotional study and prayer.

·       I resolve to visit my aging aunt once a week, but at a minimum twice a month.

·       I will make a list of five things each day that have made a positive difference in my life, and I won’t sleep until the list is complete.

·       I will perform random acts of kindness to people at least once a week, the more often, the better.

·       I will strive to make a difference in other people’s lives every.single.day.

·       I will befriend the least suspecting strangers.

·       I will laugh as often as possible, with as many people as possible.

·       I will stay in touch with my sisters and make an effort to plan meaningful visits with them.

·       I will try to reduce the clutter in my life.

·       I will commit to taking the Realtime exam again in May (it’s given twice a year), my nerves having once again prevented me from passing in November.  (How is it that I was able to walk out onto a stage in front of a sea of people in a tiny bikini at MY AGE and pose, smile, walk confidently, nail that “production,” but I can’t overcome the anxiety-inducing shaking and nervousness every damn time I take that test?)

·       I will repeat to myself each day:  ”Never, ever, ever give up.”

 It is a new year. 

Am I ready?

BRING IT ON.

 

 



Secrets

 

secret  [SEE-krit]

adjective

done, made or conducted without the knowledge of others; confidential; close-mouthed; reticent; hidden; concealed, secluded; a mystery

 (Live recordings ... the best)

My life gets kinda boring

Need something that I can confess…

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears

Sick of all the insincere

So I’m gonna give all my secrets away

This time don’t need another perfect lie

Don’t care if critics ever jump in line

I’m gonna give all my secrets away…”

Echoes of Christmas 2012

It went something like this.

One and two and …

 

 

 

Decorating the tree

 

 

 

Poinsettias purchased in remembrance of those who've gone before...

 

Christmas Eve, kitchen time, Dexter Gordon & Ergo!

 

 Christmas Tree Cheeseball

 

An early morning peek outside at a lovely pre-Christmas "dusting"

 

Part of my snowmen collection

 

Merry Christmas, Baby!

 

Let there be (lots of) lights!

 

My "crackle" snowman  -- Love him

 

Cutey-pie reindeer from a few Christmases ago

 

The precious baby who played the part of Baby Jesus at the Candlelight Service

(His name was Ryder -- adorable child!)

 

Butting heads with Son No. 2

(I love you, Chessie!)

 Drowning in a sea of wrappings and laughter

 

 

Box Office "Master of the House" on Christmas Day

Yes.  I most definitely was there!

And the man can sing (too)!

 

 



 

 Bummer that the celebration is so short-lived.

Let the Spirit live on and on!

 

May all our days

not just Christmas Day

be

merry

and

bright

 

 

 

 

 



GOOD TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY

 

BEHOLD

I BRING YOU

GOOD  TIDINGS  

 OF GREAT JOY, WHICH

SHALL BE TO ALL PEOPLE.

FOR   UNTO  YOU  IS   BORN

THIS  DAY  IN  THE  CITY  OF  DAVID

A  SAVIOR,  WHICH  IS  CHRIST  THE  LORD.

LOVE

IS

BORN

Luke 2 : 10-11



Style is Knowing Who You Are

“Style is knowing who you are,

what you want to say,

and not giving a damn.”

~ Orson Welles

 

I agree, Orson.

 

I know who I am.

 

I know what I want to say.

 

I know what I want to wear (or not).

 

I don't bow down to the fashion police simply because someone says this or that is "in style."

 

And whether that makes me vogue -- or a fashion reject,

 

frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

 

 

I just saw this banner on the Yahoo browser:

 

 

I didn't bother clicking on the blue arrow. 

 

I'm not looking to "get ahead" of the style curve -- however significant that may be.

 

But if I have to choose among these four styles?

 

No brainer.  I choose No. 4.

 

As for 1, 2 and 3?  Seriously? 

 

Mercy.

 

I'll stick to my own style, thank you.

 



 



I Want a White Christmas

Ain't lookin too good, Mr. Weatherman, for those of us who want a

White Christmas!

In our neck of the woods, we're looking at snow flurries on Friday, and then progressively warmer through Christmas Eve, as high as 50 degree temps.

BUMMED.

Oh, well.  One of these days I see myself traveling north to celebrate Christmas for a few days.  I've always wanted to do that anyway.  A New England Christmas.  That always sounds so enchanting.  Inviting.  Romantic. 

The last few days have been busy at the office and in court as we wind down this year's business in the legal system.  A day here, there, in the 10+ days or so before and after Christmas, but otherwise, my judge tries to keep scheduling cleared to allow our staff time with our families while celebrating the holiday.  He even tends to go a little easier on sentencing criminals those few weeks before Christmas, prefacing his ruling with, "Well, sir, I have a little holly in my heart these days, so ...."

Holly in my heart.

I like that phrase.  We all should have holly in our hearts.  We should take a big deep breath when sitting backed up in traffic, or in the line at the post office, or in line at the grocery store.  It's a busy time of year.  Expect it.  Go with the flow and embrace the energy of Christmas celebrations.

 

My son is home from college, and having all three sons in the house again is pretty cool.  Each year is different because they change and mature from year to year.  I never know what to expect.  Big G, my middle son, is clearly the most talkative and animated.  He jokes the most, laughs the most, eats the most, trashes the house the most.  He is the energy of the house right now, and his two brothers are taking a stab at competing with him on who can be the loudest, the funniest, the coolest.  MEN!

He texted me yesterday while on my lunch hour to ask me if I would be at Sam's Club today...YES...okay, so pick up two of those huge packages of chicken breasts...OKAY...and two or three bags of frozen vegetables...OKAY...and we're out of fish oil too....OKAY...and we're running low on protein powder...GOT IT...okay, thanks...

Unloading groceries yesterday afternoon, I say to him, "Do you want me to go ahead and split up this one package of chicken into freezer bags so it will stay fresh and will keep longer?" 

"No.  It won't be around long enough for that.  This should be gone in a few days."

That's a helluva lot of chicken.

Cha-Ching.  I guess it's cheaper than steak.  Or salmon.  Or shrimp.  I just need to realize that our grocery bill is gonna double for the next couple of weeks -- at least -- with company, holiday meals and snacks, and an extra able-bodied man to feed. 

Too bad I don't live closer to Sam's Club.  And it's too bad they didn't get a deer over Thanksgiving. 

G plans to bow hunt next week on the farm.  Maybe he'll get lucky this time. 

Artwork I proudly display year after year...

As of today, most of my wrapping is done.  Most of my shopping is done.  And only one more day after today left at the office, since I plan on taking Friday off.

My plan is to finish up last minute shopping Friday morning, then begin the afternoon lighting a few yummy-smelling Christmas candles, listening to my Jazz Holiday station on Pandora (LOVE IT), do a little baking, and then try to finish my wrapping -- all while enjoying a glass or two of Ergo.  Indeed it will be Friday, a most glorious Friday, and I plan to then kick back and watch the season transform from hectic and busy to serene and beautiful.

But I'm still missing one thing ...

The  icing on my Christmas.

I WANT A WHITE CHRISTMAS!

 

Heartache and Healing

 

 

I cannot imagine the grief of the parents, family and friends mourning the loss of recent events in Connecticut. 

Upon learning of this tragedy and over the course of the following days, I instinctively listened only long enough to get an accurate summary account of the facts.  That was all I needed to hear.  And then the volume controls, both literally and figuratively, would be muted.   I would intentionally walk away... or switch channels.  I had to let it go.  I closed my eyes and my ears and simply shut it out. 

It is not with an insensitivity that I close my ears and eyes to this horror.  To the contrary, my heart lies wide open, bleeding for all the hurt and sadness that this massacre has caused. 

My response to these events has been simply one of constant prayer…and introspection…. just enough to allow me to grasp what has happened, to allow myself to feel their loss.

Dwelling on the barrage of media coverage serves absolutely no purpose whatsoever – not for myself, not for anyone.  If anything, it’s like pouring salt into an open wound, prodding and deepening and enlarging the gaping hole of pain.   And especially at this time of year.

 

The scarring of my own heart, an aching emptiness from past loss and longing, remains a daily challenge that I struggle to deal with as I continue to heal and accept and move forward. The reality is that each of us must find productive ways of coping, accepting, and healing when we suffer loss.  The media's fixation, the constant rehash of events, over and over and over again fueling energy into the horrors of this tragedy seems pointless to me.  How does one find strength in this overexposoure?

 

We can’t change what has happened.  We can’t bring those we’ve lost back. 

I lift up in prayer those who are left behind.

I pray that they will find comfort and healing and strength in the days ahead through God’s tender mercies and from the togetherness of friends, family, co-workers, neighbors. 

May this season's celebration of the Birth of Love through Christ our Savior fill each and every home and heart with peace, joy, strength and love in the days ahead.  

Indeed the Gift of the Holy Spirit is and always will be sufficient for every need.