Self-Expression

A Kiss to Build a Dream On

Everyone loves a good kiss.

Everyone loves a mind-blowing dream.

Some of us
are just a bit more
PERSISTENT
in our pursuits!

The Test of Willpower

There is a clear glass candy jar on my office desk.  It was given to me by a friend years ago, and I'm sentimental about things like that -- what, it's a CANDY JAR, big deal, right?  But because SHE gave it to me, it's like rare, precious art.   The loveliest of keepsakes.  It reminds me of our friendship every time I look at it.

Inscribed in white lettering on the front:

Each of us deserves a day away,

a time to withdraw from the cares

that will not withdraw from us.

~Maya Angelou

Do I eat candy?  Occasionally, when my willpower goes out the window, usually around "that time of the month."  Otherwise, I'm rather the badass at abstaining.  Go me.  (Right!)

But the candy is not there for me for "those times," but rather for my judge.  He loves candy.  And it makes his day a little sweeter (literally) for all of us if he can have his candy in the afternoons.  It's just a little thing, but it's a big gesture.  He really appreciates my candy.

I bought a bag of Easter M&M's yesterday -- two days after Easter, half-price at Drug Emporium.  YAY.  GREAT DEAL! 

But apparently I didn't put much thought into this.  M&Ms?

One of my three trigger foods?

Really, T?

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

Ahhh, the sweetest music......hearing them clink as I emptied the bag into the candy jar.  Bigger CLINK when I replaced the lid. 
(Shut.  Closed.  Off limits.)  And then I stood back, admiring the beautiful pastel shades of spring.  What a happy, pretty picture.  There's just something about a glass jar of spring-colored M&M's that gives me a happy inside. 

It's now been more than 24 hours since I bought the M&M's.  I have yet to open the lid.  I have yet to have even one M&M. 

Yes, this is a test.  How long can I go without breaking over and having a single M&M -- not to mention a handful, or TWO handfuls...

Who am I kidding:  I've been known to polish off an entire bag of M&M's in one sitting.

Hence the word "trigger" food.

Crap.  Why didn't I buy some other candy?  Like those hideous orange circus peanuts? 



I wonder how long I can last?

Okay, Willpower, it's test time.

Ready?  Begin.

Paying "In Kind"

One can never pay in gratitude: one can only pay ‘in kind’ somewhere else in life.

~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It's no secret that one of my greatest passions in life is fitness, health and nutrition.  I await the arrival of Oxygen Magazine in my mailbox every month like most people anxiously await American Idol or one of an endless number of reality shows that appear to have scores of addicted "followers."  Cover to cover, I read, weigh, absorb, consider, try to commit to memory, then apply to my everyday living habits.  It's like my "fix" for inspiration, motivation, and expanding knowledge on a subject that I have slowly, bit by bit, grown to love and appreciate.  That appreciation and broadening of my knowledge and experience began with a few people -- one in particular that comes to mind -- who took the time to listen, guide, advise, encourage, support and TEACH me, a generous selflessness on their part to offer their time and patience to me as I struggled along in "infancy" while on the road to a better, healthier, happier, "rockin-it-late-in-life" me. 

What would I have done had they not shown up in my life?

If they had thrown me "to the wolves" the many times I doubted or whined or complained?

How many times did they have to repeat, remind --

reteach me basic principles before it "stuck"?

Would I still be struggling?

Would I have lost interest?

But they didn't.  They were there for me.  Every day.  No matter what.

Since then I have vowed to always be willing to help and encourage and support others who ask for my guidance.  I try always to MAKE time for others, no matter what.  The people I have had the privilege of helping with their fitness goals have always been almost overly appreciative, but I finally convince them why it brings me so much pleasure to HELP THEM, it being the least I could do for the people who have HELPED ME.

Someone showed up in my life

and left an indelible impression with their acts of kindness.

I want that to "live on" in others through me.

A little over two weeks ago I was chatting with a good friend of mine of mine while we waited for church service to begin.  We had arrived early and had about 20 minutes to kill.  She then makes this comment to me out of nowhere:  "I am so depressed.  I'm heavier now than I've ever been in my life, and I just feel helpless.  I've got to do something." 

This woman and I have been good friends for a few years, so she knows that I'm into health and nutrition and exercise, which has been mentioned fleetingly in conversations, but nothing in depth.  She would share with me about places she had been, things she had done, how she spent her weekend, etc., and I couldn't help but notice that much of her life and leisure revolved around food -- bad food -- wrong choices.  I was also aware that she seldom exercised.  She is obese and is seemingly self-conscious about it, so she shys away from discussing "diets, exercise, food, health."   So I never intentionally brought up the subject or made it a point to steer conversations in that direction.  There was no need to.  It was her life, right?  She seemed so happy, upbeat.  A wonderful friend.  I thought:  If she likes living that way and she's happy, good for her.  I love her just as she is.  Unconditionally.  I would never have dreamed of lecturing her on those things, one, because she never asked; and two, because I would never want to ostracize her in our relationship or make her feel intimidated or self-conscious in any way.   

That morning when she made that comment to me, a voice inside me said:  Help her.  You can't just sit here and nod in concurrence.  She needs you.  Help her.

My reply to that voice:  But what if I offend her? 

What if I hurt her feelings by something I say?

The Voice:  Help her.  Kindly.  Gently.  You know how...

I then said to her, "C, did you ever think that maybe the reason you continue to gain weight is not so much your fault, but because you are unknowingly eating the wrong choice of foods?" 

She just looked at me with a blank, semi-confused look on her face.  She said nothing.

I continued, slowly, carefully choosing my words:  "Have you ever thought about trying to avoid sugar, bread, and starches for a full two weeks, and see what effect that can have on your appetite and being able to stick to a healthier diet?"  I went on to explain in cliff notes fashion how carbs -- specifically sugar and starches -- are what make us fat, and that if we learn how to control them, we can lose weight a lot easier and feel far better for a myriad of reasons.  (She's never counted a carb in her life; never even entered her mind.)   I tried my best to keep it as simple as possible, hitting the highlights, noticing that from time to time while she listened in silence, she seemed to show signs of skepticism...or was she confused...?  Or was she feeling overwhelmed with the minutia of this subject matter?  Or is she thinking:  There she goes again, off on a bogus "health nut" rant.

The Voice:  Keep it simple, T.

I'm trying.

To fast forward, she asked questions, I answered them, and the conversation eventually ended with a final encouraging challenge from me to give it two weeks -- just two weeks -- and then if she can't hang, or feels bad, or wants to switch gears, whatever, so be it.  But two weeks, limiting carbs

And now for the update huzzah part of this story:  Two weeks and two days later, she announced to me yesterday with the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face since I've known her:  "I've lost 14 pounds!"   This was followed by 45 mins or so of sharing tips and strategies, her excitement and motivation feeding off the joys of accomplishment.  She eagerly shared with me how much better she felt, sleeping better, less appetite, less cravings, more energy, and she'd been walking three times a week, her last walk making it a full mile. 

It was unmistakable, that look of confidence on her face.  That look.  That esteeming look that people get when they've accomplished a goal and they're seeing and feeling the rewards for it. 

That "I-Can-Do-This" look.

"I'm Flying!"

I know.  I've been there.  Countless times.

She is now "on fire," as I like to call it.  Her daughter is getting married in September, and she now has a "goal" in mind.  (Essential)  We've been emailing back and forth when questions arise, and we usually see each other once a week, so she knows that I'm "on board" with her every step of the way.

A mutual friend of ours who learned about her recent quest, has joined along as of last week.  Witnessing C's enthusiasm and success, she too is bursting with expectant motivation.

Nothing could make me happier.  NOTHING.

Anne Lindbergh is right:  One can never sufficiently pay in any means by gratitude alone, but they can always stand as a beacon to others...paying "in kind" somewhere else in life.

And hopefully that gratitude will live on and on.

 

“Sail beyond the horizon; fly higher than you ever thought possible;

magnify your existence by helping others;

be kind to people and animals of all shapes and sizes;

be true to what you value most; shine your light on the world;

and be the person you were born to be.”

~ Blake Beattie



Lazy Blah & Monday

Some Mondays are harder to deal with than others.  Although the sun is shining and spring is blossoming, days are warmer, so much to look forward to, here I sit, almost comatose, wishing I could take a nap.  (In my yummy bed at home)

But here I sit, in my office, which, by the way, is a little overcrowded anyway, with no place to comfortably lie down for a little shuteye.  "Comfortably."  Key word.

I'm one of those who benefit greatly from power naps.  Give me 20-30 mins of midday or midafternoon naptime, and it's like a new day, new body, new life.  My hard, concrete floor is calling my name.  For these emergent napping attacks, I have stored a roll-up exercise mat and a small toss pillow under my desk.  I simply shut my door, turn on some white noise (radio on an off station), dim the lights -- sometimes even light a candle -- and I'm out.

This weekend did not give me an opportunity to catch up on sleep.  I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. to get dressed and tasks accomplished before leaving for my son's track meet (3.5 hours away).  His event was schedule for 10:30-11:00 a.m.  He was expecting the shot/discus events to be over with by 1:00 or 1:30.  Our plan was to go out for a late lunch with him around 2:00 then head home.  I would have the evening to relax and catch up on things around the house and spend a leisurely Saturday evening chilling.

Here are a few shots of shot:  Yeah, okay.  These made it all worthwhile. 



Plans didn't work out.  This poorly run track meet was a disaster.  His event didn't even BEGIN until 3:00 p.m.  The weather was much colder and windier than we had anticipated.  We froze our butts off and were starving to death.  I wore flip-flops!  FLIP-FLOPS!  And it was in the high 40's.  I raced to a nearby Goodwill Store and quickly purchased sweaters and fleece jackets for all of us -- WHAT A DEAL, and actually kind of fashionable!  I really loved mine -- a mustard-brown fleece.  Love that color, esp under my black vest that I had thankfully left in the back of my car.

Fast-forwarding this story:  We pulled into our driveway at 2:15 a.m., only to get up again at 7:00 to get dressed in time for Palm Sunday events at our church.  More events scheduled for late Sunday afternoon. 

And now, Monday midday, I'm finally feeling the effects of insufficient sleep, which unfortunately also has a negative effect on my coritisol levels, making me far hungrier than I normally would be, and craving carbs.

Domino effect!

It's time.  I'm desperate.  The concrete, minimally-carpeted office floor is calling my name. 

Lights out....



The Very Thought of You

The very thought of you and I forget to do
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do
I'm living in a kind of daydream
I'm happy as a king
And foolish though it may seem
To me that's everything

Today was a Jazz for a Lazy Afternoon kind of day.
And Billie Holiday was a part of that celebration.

The Very Thought of You....one of my favorite "romantics."

... Oh, how well do I love thee?  Let me count the ways...

The Very Thought of You.........Sing it to me again, boys! 
ENCORE.

Chris Botti

Rod Stewart

Wynton Marsalis

Al Bowlly

Jazz washes away the dust of every day life.

— Art Blakey

 

So jazz me.
Please?