I Got It Bad (And That Ain't Good)

... that time of year when upon arriving home from work it's too hot and humid to go outside, to cook, to do anything productive.

I find myself wishing I was lying in the surf at Marco again...or on the lake in my kayak...

But I'm not.  I'm stuck here.

And so I sit inside, coiled up and lazy, and tend to stuff munchies in my face just because I THINK I'm hungry.

So when I do unhealthy things -- whether emotionally or physically unhealthy -- I seek out distractions.  Happy diversions.

Like good jazz.  And good wine.

And I drift...

My mind travels and winds and wanders with every little sip, every little smile.

Jazz is good for the soul.

As is wine.

Dreadful Hot Weather

It was a long, hot day in July...

The opening line of my exciting boring book?

Nah.  Just stating facts.  It's that time of year that I want to be parked in an air-conditioned room and wait out the heat.  It drains me, this humidity of mid summer mixed with crazy hot temps.  And just to make sure I'm sufficiently miserable, Mother Nature says, "I know, let's send another relentless surge of hot flashes her way!" ... Mwuahahahaha

You evil woman, you.  And just when I thought I'd "outgrown" them.  Ha!  Yeah, right.  Something tells me I have very little control over this merciless phenomenon.  But in mid July?

Fifty-Somethings of the world, there is no mercy.

I am woman; watch me suffer.

So I drive home with the AC (and the tunes) cranked, pull into the driveway, drag my butt into my cool, dimly lit  -- shades all drawn -- home, and begin peeling off my glued-on clothes.  I quickly change into my standard uniform, a tank and shorts, and throw together some sliced chicken breast and several slices of fresh COOL cucumbers from my garden.  It's day two of back-to-back days of little to no carbs after a weekend of debauchery.  Everyone should have one cheat DAY a week.  It keeps our furnaces happy AND HOT.  But an entire weekend isn't recommended.  (The plan was to limit it to one beer on Saturday, but it resulted in two...and that scenario was repeated again on Sunday. Add to that chips and salsa.  And ice cream.  It's no wonder I'm craving carbs out the roof!)

I've been at this long enough to know how to turn it around pretty quickly.  And I also know that the longer the debauchery, the more torturous the extrication from it.  In this case, two days of low to no carbs, and I'm back to status quo, energy good, bloat gone, cravings gone.  Onward.

After a bite of dinner, I began checking emails... going over some loose ends from today's trial in court ... and then I began wandering on Pinterest...then Houzz.  Those sites are way too addictive.  Especially when it's hot outside, I'm feeling lazy and tired after a long day in court, and I want to occupy my mind with something that requires very little brain activity.

So it's cardio and Callanetics days for me, yesterday and again today, knowing I'd have to cut my workout at the gym short in order to get to work on time. Besides, it's just SO HOT.

Is it hot in here or is it just me?

What dreadful hot weather we have!

It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.

~ Jane Austen

So Weather Guy says we have another day of this suffocating humidity and heat, and then we get a break in the weather.  Thursday and Friday is shaping up very nicely.  Perfect.  I'll be at the gym those mornings, which will give me four days total at the gym this week -- Saturday is down in pen, my kickass leg/glute day.

And just when I needed a nudge of motivation to stay on get back on track, I get a call yesterday from my sweet, funny, smart and incredibly beautiful friend telling me about her new workout regimen with her new trainer to whip her ass in shape.  It's like she tossed a splash of gasoline onto my fading flickering flame. It's what I needed to kick MY ass back in gear.  Suh-weet!  Synchronicity.  Support and friendship and encouragement -- they're a powerful thing in this world where we long to be understood, a hardy high-five to keep our spirits elevated.  And that's how it's done.

Yes, you gotta want it bad enough to do the work yourself, or you'll fail miserably.  But it sure helps to know there's someone on the bleachers cheering you on.  Your biggest fan.  Go me.  Go YOU!  Kick Ass!

And SHE will.  She's got this.

It Is So Monday

I've not been sleeping well lately.  Blame it on hormones.  I think.  I don't know.  I gotta blame it on something.  So I keep adding to this mounting deficit.

This would be me.



Something's gotta give.  I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of molasses today.  And my surroundings, the backdrop to my world, it feels like everything is in black and white, and really bad clarity.  You know, like the TV channels from years ago, the reception not strong enough for a clear picture, no matter how much you adjust the "rabbit ears."   That's it.  That's what I see today. 



Add to that mundane happenings in court.  I hear words, but they all sound alike.  Rhetoric.

 

Oh. No.

Now what do I do?

 

I have to find the energy to drive to the post office,

stand in line,

and wait, wait, wait...

then drive home, change clothes,

and go to my son's JV football game.

No nap in sight.

 

Tuesday will be a better day.

I just know it.

No More Carbs



History Lessons

The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that from age to age, nothing changes, and yet everything is completely different.

                                                                   -Aldous Huxley

I was browsing through my fitness journal from over four years ago, smiling to myself at the life lesson I was going through at that time.  It's funny how history repeats itself.  We learn from history, from life lessons, but it helps to REMEMBER those lessons for them to be most effective.

Today is supposedly BLUE MONDAY, the most depressing day of the year, they say.  I call those days "crappy days."  So better stated, the "CRAPPY MONDAY."  (Again, maybe blue tends to get a bad rap.)  They're also forecasting much colder -- frigid -- temperatures starting tonight and lasting throughout the week. 

My archived "crappy day" was actually a Thursday -- no day of the week is spared from FUNK.  But it being "Blue Monday," I decided to redirect this "lesson" to my blog.

And for the record, it may be Blue Monday, but I've decided that I'll defy the odds.  I choose to have a pretty decent day -- it's my day off, for starters, and I refuse to let pending bad weather or "history lessons" dictate the outcome.

 

AUGUST 7, 2008:  Taking a break from a hellish assignment that began yesterday, the catalyst to my loss of control in every aspect of my life yesterday.

Am I refusing to accept personal blame for my shortcomings? Not by any stretch. It's just that the circumstances under which I found myself yesterday (annoying, arrogant, rapid-fire, mush-mouthed, highly-technical witness, whose testimony I found increasingly impossible to take down), combined with other stressful situations at home, pre-TOM crap, and just an overall feeling-blah-don't-want-to-deal-with-this-anymore day, I decided it was best to stay away from others, to retreat to my cave and try to let it pass rather than inflict my demons upon others.

I truly needed an exorcist.

I have regained perspective today, and the embers are no longer visible.

Today is a new day. Coming up for air for a minute to blog here (trying to transcribe my horrific notes from yesterday's job from hell), I know that I need to:

Stay focused on getting this job completed;

Making amends with others;

Regaining my perspective for my personal fitness goals;

Knowing that one crappy day is just that, one crappy day.

I will move past this.

Cheer Up, T - The Worst is Over

July

My least favorite month of the year.  The stifling, smothering heat makes me lazy and irritable and does wacky things to my hormones and my otherwise "cherub-like demeanor," as John Pinette would say.  I bitch more.  I eat more.  I sleep more.  I withdraw more.  My cravings for crappy junk food go off the scale, likely because I'm in need of .... comfort?  Yes.  In search of comfort to escape the heat, I find myself ensnared by the White Decoy -- SUGAR -- seducing and charming me with false hope of lasting reprieve.

So I languish.  My energy is drained, my spirit wounded, and my craving for sugar and crappy food becomes a vicious cycle.  I snap out of it for a few days, eat clean, gather a limited amount of resolve and rationality, play a few mind games to outsmart my psyche, but I never seem to stick with it very long.  Before long, I'm wallowing in self-pity.  Withdrawing to my "corners," I resume bitching, brooding, self-loathing, and feeling sorry for myself again.  Low on serotonin, I begin once more reaching for the ice cream, the chips, chocolate, pizza, crackers, cake, pie...the list goes on.  Ugh.  And I'm miserable all over again.  Stop the insanity.  Enough.

And then Mother Nature decides she's had enough fun with me, and the heatwave of mid summer recedes, replaced by slightly cooler temperatures and the occasional (and forgotten) soothing breeze.  This, followed by that first unexpected early morning surprise of drastically lowered humidity.  "Oh, yes, yes!  I'm so ready for this, Girlfriend," I plead submissively with Mother Nature.

Suddenly, I'm sleeping better, laughing more, moving more, eating less.  Rediscovering my energy and zest that had been imprisoned far too long, I cop an attitude with a vengeance, and this time my grip holds.  Not letting go this time.  I got this.

This scenario repeats itself like clockwork, year after year, and always in the month of July.  I can expect it.  As much as I try to fight or resist it, I know that I'll succumb to its dominant powers.  I usually end up gaining 5-10 pounds during the month of July, partly fat, partly bloat, but a burden to shed nonetheless.  It's now been a little over a week since I've felt that long-awaited invigorating energy to get and stay focused on the path of feeling like me again.  I'm eating cleaner, leaner and strategically.  My workouts are more regular, structured and have slowly increased in intensity.  I'm craving less, sleeping better, and have less inflammation and discomfort.  My skin looks better, my clothes fit better, my mood is enhanced.

Wow.  Welcome back to the world, T.  Indeed, the worst is over.  

And with the beauty of autumn just around the corner, from this point forward it only gets better.

I spent a few hours enjoying girls night out a few weeks ago, and we had decided to try out a new and inviting little 'wine bar' in town.  We were welcomed by a friendly staff into an elegant, cushy and comfortable atmosphere, lovely decor, and best of all...JAZZ!  We were pleased to discover an interesting selection of delectable artisan cheeses and crackers and bread to complement their extensive wine list.  I spied an oversized painting of a wine bottle on the far wall near the bar -- OH.I.WANTED.THAT.  It was so me.  I tried to snap a picture of it, but with all the people around, I could never get an unobscured shot of it.

My husband and I are going there tonight with another couple.  We'll be celebrating her birthday, starting with The Wine Valley, and then to her choice of restaurants for dinner.  We'll cap off the evening with chill time at our house, either on the back screened porch or on the patio.  I am going to try to bake her favorite cake -- yellow, with cream cheese icing  (Really?)  to surprise her with for dessert.  I'm looking forward to the evening, our last hoorah for our ritual Friday-evening chillout with friends.  Beginning next weekend, football season is underway.

I've deliberately cut back on carbs and calories the last couple of days to let go a little tonight and to enjoy a cheat meal.  And a little wine -- or maybe more than a little...

After all, it IS Friday...

And it's time to CHEER UP.  The worst of the hot weather is over.


You made it through.  Life is good again.

No Power, No Fun

Beginning at 7:00 p.m. Friday evening, our area (and surrounding states) was hit by a monster wind storm, unprecedented, so they say.  Uprooted trees, roofs, buildings, etc.  Tornado like winds, widespread damage and power outages.  And at all times -- in 100+ degree temperatures.

In fact, the temperature hit 108 on Friday afternoon, just hours before the storm hit.

Thankfully, no one was hurt.  We lost a shutter off the front of the house, and two HUGE limbs out of two maple trees came crashing down, landing safely in the lawn, rather than on our home -- or car, or bystander!

We were without power -- WITHOUT A.C. -- for the entire weekend.  52+ hours of sweltering heat and no A.C.

We lost all the perishable food in both our frig and freezers.

We had to sleep on the back porch just to be able to breathe...sort of.

Long lines and shortages everywhere for miles:

No gas.

No ice.

No power.

Thank goodness I am always stocked with lots of candles.  They came in handy.

Totally miserable weekend.

Our county courthouse was closed today, many people STILL without power.

I was able to finally catch up today with chores, laundry.  Cleaned and sanitized the refrigerator and freezers, then set out to restock our groceries.

I'm exhausted.

Weekends are supposed to be the time to recharge, unwind.  Have fun?

Fun?  Not.

Just glad -- so VERY glad -- it's over.

Am I the Only One That's F'g Hot?

The heatwave in our neck of the woods begins today, and I'm already feelin' the effects.  Supposedly the temps will continue to rise over the course of the next several days.  I would NOT want to be at Disney World (or any amusement park, for that matter) during this kind of weather.

When the temperatures outside are really cold, I just deal with it.  May not like it, but it doesn't faze me much.  Life goes on.  But really hot, humid weather?

Well, LET’’S JUST SAY

IT MESSES WITH MY, UH,

DEMEANOR?

LMAO!  Exactly!

Lazy Blah & Monday

Some Mondays are harder to deal with than others.  Although the sun is shining and spring is blossoming, days are warmer, so much to look forward to, here I sit, almost comatose, wishing I could take a nap.  (In my yummy bed at home)

But here I sit, in my office, which, by the way, is a little overcrowded anyway, with no place to comfortably lie down for a little shuteye.  "Comfortably."  Key word.

I'm one of those who benefit greatly from power naps.  Give me 20-30 mins of midday or midafternoon naptime, and it's like a new day, new body, new life.  My hard, concrete floor is calling my name.  For these emergent napping attacks, I have stored a roll-up exercise mat and a small toss pillow under my desk.  I simply shut my door, turn on some white noise (radio on an off station), dim the lights -- sometimes even light a candle -- and I'm out.

This weekend did not give me an opportunity to catch up on sleep.  I had to get up at 5:30 a.m. to get dressed and tasks accomplished before leaving for my son's track meet (3.5 hours away).  His event was schedule for 10:30-11:00 a.m.  He was expecting the shot/discus events to be over with by 1:00 or 1:30.  Our plan was to go out for a late lunch with him around 2:00 then head home.  I would have the evening to relax and catch up on things around the house and spend a leisurely Saturday evening chilling.

Here are a few shots of shot:  Yeah, okay.  These made it all worthwhile. 



Plans didn't work out.  This poorly run track meet was a disaster.  His event didn't even BEGIN until 3:00 p.m.  The weather was much colder and windier than we had anticipated.  We froze our butts off and were starving to death.  I wore flip-flops!  FLIP-FLOPS!  And it was in the high 40's.  I raced to a nearby Goodwill Store and quickly purchased sweaters and fleece jackets for all of us -- WHAT A DEAL, and actually kind of fashionable!  I really loved mine -- a mustard-brown fleece.  Love that color, esp under my black vest that I had thankfully left in the back of my car.

Fast-forwarding this story:  We pulled into our driveway at 2:15 a.m., only to get up again at 7:00 to get dressed in time for Palm Sunday events at our church.  More events scheduled for late Sunday afternoon. 

And now, Monday midday, I'm finally feeling the effects of insufficient sleep, which unfortunately also has a negative effect on my coritisol levels, making me far hungrier than I normally would be, and craving carbs.

Domino effect!

It's time.  I'm desperate.  The concrete, minimally-carpeted office floor is calling my name. 

Lights out....



Another Hot n Muggy Monday

Adrian:  Hey, can you tell me what's your name?
"My name is Roosevelt E. Roosevelt."
Roosevelt, what town are you stationed in?
"I'm stationed in Poontang."
Well, thank you, Roosevelt. What's the weather like out there?
"It's hot! Damn hot! Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things in it. A little crotch pot cooking."
Well, tell me what it feels like.
"Fool, it's hot! I told you again! Were you born on the sun? It's damn hot! It's so damn hot, I saw little guys, their orange robes burst into flames. It's that hot! Do you know what I'm talking about?"
What do you think it's going to be like tonight?  
"It's gonna be hot and wet! That's nice if you're with a lady, but ain't no good if you're in the jungle!"
Thank you, Roosevelt.

Too good!  Some of the best lines from this incredibly funny movie.  How I can relate!

Laughter...It's the best distraction when you find yourself in a really crappy mood, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

It's the weather!  This heat and humidity!  This shit is getting old. 

Wait -- Where have I heard this before?  Wasn't it about six months ago everyone was bitchin' about the cold and crappy winter?

Is there a place on the planet that doesn't have these extremes?  I'm tired of being trapped inside 24/7.  The only tolerable time to be outside is at sunrise, and there's even a blanket of mugg at THAT hour, evidenced by the opaque condensation clinging to the windows.  But at least the sun hasn't made it to full blown scorch mode yet.  I suppose it would be a tad easier to tolerate if we were one of the lucky ones with a pool in our back yard.  But we're not. 

Our Weather Guy is predicting cooler temps this week.  But that's what he gushed about LAST week.  It didn't happen.  Not gonna hold my breath.

The thing about this muggy crap -- it plays such havoc on my mood.  Hey, I'm already pre-menopausal.  Add to that miserable muggy weather, and it's just not much fun being around me.  My poor family -- victims.  I just go into LEAVE-ME-ALONE mode.  I don't wanna cook.  Nothing tastes good anymore.  What do ya eat when the weather is like this?  I crave, but I don't know what I crave.  Don't wanna go anywhere.  Don't wanna talk to anyone.  Don't wanna do much of anything.  Just prefer to crawl into a dark, cool cave and hide there till fall. 

I find myself using mind games every day to distract me from this heat-induced misery, but I'm desperate for ideas.  And I'm frankly tired of pretending.  Tired of the mind games.  Tired of smiling when I don't really feel like it.  I'm just ... tired. 

Okay.  Shifting into coping mechanism mode here:  So I'll play one more mind game.  I'll pretend that what the Weather Guy said this morning IS reliable.  I'll look expectantly to Hump Day.  Ah, yes, how much nicer it will feel out by then.  I can taste it!  Sure.  Yep, I can tough it out today because that's only two more days of waiting for the breather.  And at that point we'll be through one-third of the hottest month of the year.  I can do this.  Yep.  What's a couple more days.  Mind games... 

C'mon, Weather Guy.  Don't let me down this time.