Unfinished Restlessness

In order that people may be happy in their work,

these three things are needed:

they must be fit for it;

they must not do too much of it;

and they must have a sense of success in it.

-John Ruskin

Happy in my work.

That I am.

But I find that I also struggle with a sense of unfinished restlessness.

Restlessness.

Daydreams.

It's almost a daily thing for me.

I wake up in the morning with that coveted first cup of coffee on my mind…

…I let out the dog…I feed the dog…

I take my B6 vitamin cocktail and my BCAA’s...

...I splash my face with water, then moisturizer...I get into my gym gear.  

The coffee is ready by now.  

I yearn for a new coffee pot with a timer 

-- ours is old, but it still works! -- 

so I’m waiting for Old Faithful to die.

I let out the dog again.  

I grab my coffee and my mini morning blizzard...

(1 Tbs whey protein, 2 oz yogurt, .5 T coconut oil, 1 T Fiber One) 

I sit down at my laptop to catch up on emails and read scripture.  

I read my devotions and I pray -- I talk to God.

It's like a morning shower...a cleansing of my soul...

...the need to remove the tarnish..

(my halo stays quite rusty)  

Without prayer, my feelings of inadequacy overshadow

every ounce of my resolve.  

...another sip of coffee...
glorious

Then I wander over to Facebook 

to see if there’s anything I’ll regret not reading about -- still waiting on that one.  

By now my coffee is finished and I’m ready to hit the gym.  

I do a mental checklist:  Water bottle, check.  MP3 player, check.  

Towel (I prefer my own), check.  Chapstick, check.  

Gym bag, check.  Keys, check.  Then out the door.

My cardio warmup is an opportunity to escape...

...hey, there, Happy Dreamer ...

...my mind drifts...

 I reflect on the possibilities of a new day...  

A caravan of adventurous thoughts expanding into weeks, months, seasons…

...years ahead...  

I'm lost in a kaleidoscope of daydreams, 

a pleasing procession of plans and goals, all sparkly and bewitching…

an arousal of senses...

...faster, T...

...pick up the pace...

...get to the sweet spot...

I want to take up classical guitar again …

I want to get my personal trainer certification …

I want to take a few photography lessons and find my very own artistic niche …

I want to travel and explore and satisfy my insatiable wanderlust…

I want to do all of this while still working as a court reporter, either part time or full time, because I really do still love my day job!

   

I want to have time to do ALL of those things 

and not just so-so

I want to rock ALL of them...

How do I manage to cram all of that into one tall order?

Is there enough time?

When?  And how?

Enough of me to go around?

My inner voice -- MY voice -- says, not unless I find balance first and foremost.  

Life without balance is like music lacking harmony.  

The notes must complement the chord.  

Without the balance and harmony, 

I'll be left with a cacophony of loose ends and broken dreams.

Passion tempered with patience.  

Keep it lit, keep it alive, but be realistic. 

There.  That's how it's done.  

And just as I think I’ve gotten my strategies all figured out, 

I hear another voice...

...His voice...

 ...a reminder...

Blessed assurances.

I see it all so clearly now.

“But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness…

and all these things shall be added unto you.” 

~ Matthew 6:33