Holding Benaiah

 New Year's Eve was spent with dear friends of 30+ years in a dimly lit, local fine dining spot.  A quiet gathering, lacking the characteristic gaiety of New Year's Eve gatherings.  But 2020 was not your typical year, so it should rightfully end without fanfare and crowning glory.  Wrap it up -- no, wad it up -- tightly, and throw it in the garbage can.

But 2021.  THIS YEAR ALREADY HOLDS PROMISE.  

Beginning with the birth of our very first grandchild -- a sweet baby boy, born on January 4, three days later than his parents were expecting him, but exactly when God had planned.  He is a miniature cherub.  Truly, the sweetest angel baby face I've ever seen.

I flew to see him a week after he was born, spending 4 short days with him, holding him, singing to him, rocking him, kissing him, talking to him -- it was almost impossible to steal my eyes away from that precious face.

And oh, does he rock his hats!  He has lots of beanies and little knitted pom-pom hats, my favorite being this one... HOW HIS NONNA WANTS TO KISS THOSE SWEET CHEEKS AGAIN!

I sobbed when I kissed his sweet face at the airport.  And every time I turn on the classical relaxation Pandora station now, I'm taken back to those precious but few moments with him, and tears begin to fall.  A love so fierce, so indescribable.  When will I see you again, little one?  

 

Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Through the eyes of gratitude, everything's a miracle.

 Reflecting on blessings ... SO.MANY.BLESSINGS ... I never want to take for granted the many blessings that God has given us.

This time of year will always be my MOST favorite time of the year.  The color, the smells, the weather, the festive and celebratory energy of the season, it leaves me reeling in rhapsody!

We've finally gotten around to putting our plans together for our lake house remodel, and it's beginning to take shape.  They laid our new wood floors last week -- I won't be able to see them till next weekend, the start of Thanksgiving week, as I'm working in WV this week and next.  But a sneak peak of their rich loveliness, the view from our sunroom.... and a few more pictures taken of the season's glory.

Just settle down!

I want to shout it from the rooftops, across the billboards:  Just settle down, people.

Everyone seems to have their panties in a big ugly, hateful, spiteful, judgmental wad.

What has America come to?

Newsflash.  (Not the fake news, the sobering truth!)  It's not all about YOU.

Narcissistic, selfish, self-righteous gluttons for attention.

Just settle down.  Take a look around.  More importantly, look up. 

Focus on the good, the lovely, the grace that none of us deserve.

The rest will take care of itself. 

Always does.

Is there a vaccine for this?

In this never-ending lull of nothingness, boredom, restlessness, concern for the future all brought on by this Wuhan  Coronavirus, I keep thinking I want to "bleed" from my blog -- quoting Hemingway -- but my brain won't fire.  My heart is hogging the power.

Reading, I can do.  Writing, I stall.

I'm reading Lisa Scottoline right now, "Killer Smile."  I love her writing style.  This book was borrowed from my neighbor (while libraries and book stores remained closed), and it's not one of her best, but I'm hanging in there.  One thing about Scottoline, she never fizzles when it comes to humor.  Her books are brilliantly punctuated with her uniquely comical wisecracks.  That alone is entertaining and keeps me afloat to the end.

I stumble upon Blogger this morning and my mind goes blank.  I say to myself, well, I could start with my reading list.  Maybe I'll get inspired.  I'll release.  But then it occurs to me -- as it did this morning when looking on Pinterest for a recipe -- that I don't want to wade through endless rivers of endorsements or piles of propaganda and rhetoric to get to the core, the good stuff, the reason I'm there:   To read a blog post.  To check a recipe.

To wade and wade and painfully wade, as a page loads and reloads with the pop-up CRAP -- AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT, she said.

But then I confess.  I'm not a professional blogger.  I am not interested in getting paid for words I put to paper -- or to screen?  I just come here to purge.  To clear my cache.

I'm a novice blogger.

I'm novice at a lot of things.  A neophyte.  Scrittrice amatoriale.

And lately I lack consistency.  Is ANYTHING consistent anymore?  Uh, NO!  I've shamefully morphed into a sloth.

Is there a vaccine for that?

Go ahead. Make me laugh.

It really does.

Keep it light, peeps!

Life Verse

The White Noise of Winter

I've always been a seasonal sort of woman, embracing each, patient till the next.

In later years, I've become -- well, less patient.  I'm pretty sure it's a vitamn D thing.  The older I get the more I need.  My deficit accumulates, and I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of suffocation.  Immobile.  Fuzzy-brained.  Apathy and indifference to things that normally captivate me.

The monotony of winter's cold air and the lack of sunlight seem to have a deafening effect on my ability to stay focused, stay positive, move forward.  Beginning as an elegy, it finds crescendo in the increasing frequency of frigid temperatures, dismal gray days, lifeless black and white landscapes blanketed with dry and biting winds, leafless trees, brittle yellow grass -- or no grass at all.  Day after day.  BLEAK and DEAFENING.  A forte of winter's white noise.

Driving home from a job last week, I was thankful to see a cloudless, sunny sky.  Despite the deceiving cold outside temperatures, driving down the highway I opened my sun roof and stretched my face to the sky, lusting for the warmth of the sun's rays on my face.  Drinking down every.glorious.drop.  And with every second that passed, an opaque veil began to lift from my eyes, cobwebs began shredding and loosening from my mind, and deep, stirring energy was restored to every nuance of my being, all negative thoughts dissipating.  Gone.

And for the next several minutes, the white noise of winter was defeated with the distant sounds of spring and summer.....
children's laughter, water splashing, waves crashing, live music on the levee, seagulls squawking...
Enveloped in an allegro of all things summer.

Spring is on the horizon.
Let me just hang on a while longer as I learn to navigate and silence the white noise.