Learning to Exhale: Paying "In Kind"

One can never pay in gratitude: one can only pay ‘in kind’ somewhere else in life.

~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

It's no secret that one of my greatest passions in life is fitness, health and nutrition. I await the arrival of Oxygen Magazine in my mailbox every month like most people anxiously await American Idol or one of an endless number of reality shows that appear to have scores of addicted "followers." Cover to cover, I read, weigh, absorb, consider, try to commit to memory, then apply to my everyday living habits. It's like my "fix" for inspiration, motivation, and expanding knowledge on a subject that I have slowly, bit by bit, grown to love and appreciate. That appreciation and broadening of my knowledge and experience began with a few people -- one in particular that comes to mind -- who took the time to listen, guide, advise, encourage, support and TEACH me, a generous selflessness on their part to offer their time and patience to me as I struggled along in "infancy" while on the road to a better, healthier, happier, "rockin-it-late-in-life" me.

What would I have done had they not shown up in my life?

If they had thrown me "to the wolves" the many times I doubted or whined or complained?

How many times did they have to repeat, remind --

reteach me basic principles before it "stuck"?

Would I still be struggling?

Would I have lost interest?

But they didn't. They were there for me. Every day. No matter what.

Since then I have vowed to always be willing to help and encourage and support others who ask for my guidance. I try always to MAKE time for others, no matter what. The people I have had the privilege of helping with their fitness goals have always been almost overly appreciative, but I finally convince them why it brings me so much pleasure to HELP THEM, it being the least I could do for the people who have HELPED ME.

Someone showed up in my life

and left an indelible impression with their acts of kindness.

I want that to "live on" in others through me.

A little over two weeks ago I was chatting with a good friend of mine of mine while we waited for church service to begin. We had arrived early and had about 20 minutes to kill. She then makes this comment to me out of nowhere: "I am so depressed. I'm heavier now than I've ever been in my life, and I just feel helpless. I've got to do something."

This woman and I have been good friends for a few years, so she knows that I'm into health and nutrition and exercise, which has been mentioned fleetingly in conversations, but nothing in depth. She would share with me about places she had been, things she had done, how she spent her weekend, etc., and I couldn't help but notice that much of her life and leisure revolved around food -- bad food -- wrong choices. I was also aware that she seldom exercised. She is obese and is seemingly self-conscious about it, so she shys away from discussing "diets, exercise, food, health." So I never intentionally brought up the subject or made it a point to steer conversations in that direction. There was no need to. It was her life, right? She seemed so happy, upbeat. A wonderful friend. I thought: If she likes living that way and she's happy, good for her. I love her just as she is. Unconditionally. I would never have dreamed of lecturing her on those things, one, because she never asked; and two, because I would never want to ostracize her in our relationship or make her feel intimidated or self-conscious in any way.

That morning when she made that comment to me, a voice inside me said: Help her. You can't just sit here and nod in concurrence. She needs you. Help her.

My reply to that voice: But what if I offend her?

What if I hurt her feelings by something I say?

The Voice: Help her. Kindly. Gently. You know how...

I then said to her, "C, did you ever think that maybe the reason you continue to gain weight is not so much your fault, but because you are unknowingly eating the wrong choice of foods?"

She just looked at me with a blank, semi-confused look on her face. She said nothing.

I continued, slowly, carefully choosing my words: "Have you ever thought about trying to avoid sugar, bread, and starches for a full two weeks, and see what effect that can have on your appetite and being able to stick to a healthier diet?" I went on to explain in cliff notes fashion how carbs -- specifically sugar and starches -- are what make us fat, and that if we learn how to control them, we can lose weight a lot easier and feel far better for a myriad of reasons. (She's never counted a carb in her life; never even entered her mind.) I tried my best to keep it as simple as possible, hitting the highlights, noticing that from time to time while she listened in silence, she seemed to show signs of skepticism...or was she confused...? Or was she feeling overwhelmed with the minutia of this subject matter? Or is she thinking: There she goes again, off on a bogus "health nut" rant.

The Voice: Keep it simple, T.

I'm trying.

To fast forward, she asked questions, I answered them, and the conversation eventually ended with a final encouraging challenge from me to give it two weeks -- just two weeks -- and then if she can't hang, or feels bad, or wants to switch gears, whatever, so be it. But two weeks, limiting carbs

And now for the update huzzah part of this story: Two weeks and two days later, she announced to me yesterday with the biggest smile I've ever seen on her face since I've known her: "I've lost 14 pounds!" This was followed by 45 mins or so of sharing tips and strategies, her excitement and motivation feeding off the joys of accomplishment. She eagerly shared with me how much better she felt, sleeping better, less appetite, less cravings, more energy, and she'd been walking three times a week, her last walk making it a full mile.

It was unmistakable, that look of confidence on her face. That look. That esteeming look that people get when they've accomplished a goal and they're seeing and feeling the rewards for it.

That "I-Can-Do-This" look.

"I'm Flying!"

I know. I've been there. Countless times.

She is now "on fire," as I like to call it. Her daughter is getting married in September, and she now has a "goal" in mind. (Essential) We've been emailing back and forth when questions arise, and we usually see each other once a week, so she knows that I'm "on board" with her every step of the way.

A mutual friend of ours who learned about her recent quest, has joined along as of last week. Witnessing C's enthusiasm and success, she too is bursting with expectant motivation.

Nothing could make me happier. NOTHING.

Anne Lindbergh is right: One can never sufficiently pay in any means by gratitude alone, but they can always stand as a beacon to others...paying "in kind" somewhere else in life.

And hopefully that gratitude will live on and on.