Never Doubt Yourself

I consider myself a very disciplined person.  I know what it takes to put in the work, prepare, sacrifice, go the extra mile, push myself, do it when you'd rather not, when you'd rather be doing something else, simply because it matters more than "something else."  I know what I want.  

One thing I lack -- one very important thing -- is an unwavering belief in myself.  Those moments come and go.  I've never been able to completely dissolve the doubting, which interferes with my fullest potential.  And apparently that applies to everything.

As a court reporter, I've faced repeated hurdles with test taking -- specifically, my realtime certification.  I currently hold the certification as Registered Professional Reporter, but I've long coveted that next feather in my cap, "Certified Realtime Reporter."  Passing the RPR, although not easy, was far less stressful than passing the CRR exam.  Nerves or not, I was able to take the RPR exam and manage to read my notes with relative ease, despite the occasional shadowing and misstrokes brought on by nerves, and transcribe my steno notes (typed out) into a neat and legible verbatim transcript.  Nailed.

To pass the CRR, it's the computer that has to "read" my shadowing and misstrokes, and computers aren't as forgiving.  Artificial intelligence with CAT software (computer aided transcription) helps tremendously, but not entirely.  There is that elusive edge that is needed to overcome the expected test anxiety.  The edge.

Indeed, the bar is raised for the CRR exam to 96% accuracy, i.e., writing damn near perfectly.  

The very thought of being tested, KNOWING that I'm being tested, hearing those dreadful words, "Ready....Begin" -- I lose it.  I totally frikkin lose it.  My hands begin to shake as if I had Parkinson's --a very advanced case of Parkinson's, thus making it almost impossible to write accurately and cleanly enough to nail that 96%.  My brain and hands no longer communicate.  I KNOW what to do, but my body has gone into stress mode and cortisol is shooting out the roof, out my fingers!  My heart is beating a mile a minute, and even breathing becomes a challenge.  

WHY?  WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME?  AND WHY CAN'T I OVERCOME THIS ANXIETY?

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”

Sven Goran Eriksson

Take a big, deep breath, T.  And remember to EXHALE.

Learning to Exhale...Remember?

You can do this without question.  You are qualified, competent and capable of passing this test.

The test you have yet to pass is your own self-evaluation.  

How good are you?

Why are you doubting yourself?

Stop the doubting and start believing.  Focus on your own self-cultivated passion for excellence.

Face this dilemma with the Vision that you hold dearly and think to yourself, in the words of the inspiring Steve Jobs:  I don't want to be just great, I want to be "insanely great."

See the Vision?  Do you see it?  Don't lose sight of it.  Stop doubting and start believing.

I know what I have to do.  I have to practice "test taking" every day.  I have to practice and practice every day, push myself, challenge myself with speeds above my comfort zone to give me the edge I need to allow for nerves.  Do I want this?  Hell yes.  I must not lose sight of my vision.  I've been challenged before.  I know how it's done.  I can do this.  I can ace this test.

"Doubt whom you will, but never doubt yourself."

-Christian Nestell Bovee