And then I entered upon the highway. And that euphoria began to dissipate.
Three words: Left-lane drivers.
It's no secret that I have a bit of pent-up road rage. It's unfortunate, in a way, that I can't just blow it off, ignore the self-centered morons who frequent our highways. I would prefer to be more lackadaisical when the challenges of driving on America's highways ruffle my feathers and rob me of what would have been a happy and positive start to a glorious spring day.
SCENE: All three lanes, crammed and cluttered with long lines of slow(er)-moving traffic, the far left lane illumined with constant red brake lights from drivers hoping to pass, tension not exactly an inanimate force at this hour. Yes, folks are thrilled to be going nowhere fast.
I finally manage to snake and maneuver my way in and out and of the middle and right lanes, and once more to the middle, making my way alongside the lead car in the left lane. Infuriated, I see the woman driver looking down at her cell phone, TEXTING, coasting along in her dirty-blue piece of crap clunker (I'm trying to be kind), her speed oscillating between 10 and 15 mph under the speed limit -- IN THE PASSING LANE. TEXTING. IN THE PASSING LANE!
It's really too bad that I didn't have a set of these flash cards on hand.
Sometimes it just FEELS GOOD to get it out. To give your frustrations a voice. If only my son was in the car, I would have ordered him to whip out his cell phone and video this maniac texting on her phone at rush hour in the far left lane. But he was not. So to "muscle-up" my message, while helping to release my rising ire, I laid on my horn for a good 5-7 seconds alongside her car before cutting over in front of her with laser-like agility and timing. The look on her face was priceless.
I may be paving my way to hell for this kind of behavior. Me? Meek and gentle? Hardly. But on the other hand, I restrained myself from fleeting hand gestures and/or flashing my lights. I suppose I could have surrendered to those inner demons and lost ALL control.
And it seems I got my message across while earning the Highway Hero of the Morning Award from a long line of drivers,
every bit as frustrated as I had been,
as I watched in my rearview mirror
this Left-Lane-Lunkhead-Texting-Twit creep into the middle lane
and that long line of cars speeding angrily past her.
Heeeeeeeerrrrrre, I come to save the day!
The time has come for me to consider one of those static cling backward-reading “Move Over” windshield decals (complete with an arrow that points to the right) so that I can more “gently prod” these misguided morons into, well, getting the hell out of the way when they see it in their rearview mirror. But then again, maybe not such a great idea when coming up behind a state trooper. NAH. Never mind.
It seems we need stiffer fines for loons clogging the left lane. Maybe then (or maybe not) they'll begin to get the message:
LEAD, FOLLOW OR GET OUT OF THE WAY!
6 comments:
In Maui we don't honk at anyone. If you get honked at, then it is a tourist. Then we all slow down! That is the rule with us locals!
I do remember driving in California, no one drove less than 80 miles an hour on the freeway.
Whew!
Life is better now!
Now that would be very annoying. Texting and driving can be worse than drinking and driving! It's against the law here in Ontario. It's not my driving that I'm worried about, but rather the idiots that you've described. Grrr...
Hmmm. That's a Maui Thing, I "reckon." LOL
Yes, "zipping" down the highway while in LA a few years back, my friend at the wheel, every lane of traffic full to the hilt, and never the hint of slowing down whatsoever, I remember praying with white knuckles that we'd make it to the conference center alive. I went straight to the bar when we arrived.
It just became illegal here too this past session of the legislature. It's a primary offense if caught texting, a secondary offense if talking on the cell phone.
No complaints from me. Cell phones are the source of most highway headaches, regardless of how they're used.
If you're going to hell, you won't be alone. I'll be there.
HahHah! WE bad.
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