Pieces of Her Past

When I was a young girl in elementary school, I remember being so excited about learning how to read and spell.  I was starved for it.  I loved the challenge of it.  I loved those first reader books we had, "Tip and Mitten."  And "Spot."

See Spot run.

Run, Spot.  Run.

1965

We had spelling tests a couple times a week, as I recall.  The teacher would recite the word-- words we had learned from our reading books that week --and we would list them on our paper in a single vertical numbered row, 1 through 10.  I remember my anxiety competing the excitement of a challenge.  That razor focus.  Concentration.  I JUST HAD to get them all right.  I needed to see A+ on the top of my paper.  100%  I strived for perfection.  Vivid memories, for some reason.

Learning to read, learning to spell.  I took it seriously.  I wanted to be "smart."

A couple of weeks ago my cousin approached me and gave me a very precious relic from my mother's past.  She had found it in her mom's (my mother's sister) things that she was having to sort through to send to storage, having recently moved her mother out of her home due to illness and aging issues and into an assisted care home.  It was my mother's spelling book, Grades 1 through 6.  Apparently back then they kept the same book for six full years.  I was ELATED to hold this piece of the past -- my MOTHER'S past -- in my hands.  I had chill bumps.  Tears filled my eyes with excitement.

By J. Freeman Guy, M.A., Ph.D. - Copyright 1927

Apparently she liked to doodle...?

And she liked to draw hearts.

And she was ... in love?

I later learned that his name was "Richard."

My mom was in love with a young man named Richard.

"Kathleen loves Richard."

And she added as a footnote..."I hope it is ok."

Was the love unrequited?

Did he love her too?

She documented other relationships of interest.

Darlene...a BFF from childhood.  I remember that name.

She loved Darlene like a sister.

The words, "I hope," an afterthought of each

expression of endearment.

And oddly ... the word "love" later scribbled out.

Did you love her, Richard?

Did you know that she loved you?

Did you break her heart?

Where are you now?





Saving the best for last.

She apparently did not have a very good track record with spelling tests.

Her interests were -- well, on other things.

Like...Richard?

Seeing my mother's handwriting as a child ... I can't even describe how that moves me emotionally.  I wish I had paid attention.  Demanded to hear more stories.  Details.  Favorites.  Cherished memories.

I now scramble to find and preserve all that I can as I come across things that once were hers, both from recent past and from very long ago.  All of it sacred.

Placing it here, in my blog, gives it more permanence.  Attention.  Meaning.  Longevity.

So.  My mother didn't like spelling, it seems.

But she was a romantic.

I get that.  I knew that.  This just proved that she likely had always been a romantic.

I miss you, Mom.  I have so many things I want to say.  My heart aches to sit with you, laugh with you, talk with you.  Drink coffee and eat homemade pie.  Gossip.  Watch old movies together.  Play Show and Tell with our latest fashion purchases.  Take walks together.  The list goes on ...

... and it has grown longer and longer, replaying over and over, as time passes.

I'll take good care of your book for you.  I'll share it with your grandsons, and with their children.  I'll tell them what a funny, classy, beautiful, warm and wonderful grandmother they had.

And some day...when I get to heaven...

I'll want to know.  Full details:  Who was Richard?

Rest in peace, Beautiful Kathleen.