"This is a message from ... Schools Will Be Closed Today..."

The familiar message repeated once more on our answering machine, as I make my way to the coffee pot in the early morning get-at-it hours of my day.  I've lost count how many school days we've missed with this winter's arctic blast, and who knows what effect this will have on their make-up-days calendar.  It's not good, seeing my son lying around lazily when he should be in school.  Lucky for me, I have a son who is scholastically driven (like his oldest brother), who's never had to be reminded to do homework or to improve on his grades -- he rarely brings home a B.  I'm blessed.  But the laziness I refer to spills over into his 15-year-old-soon-to-be-21 attitude, making it a hostile environment for otherwise harmonious family gatherings.  A little too much Entitlement Syndrome has sneaked in with those frigid drafts from the doors and windows.

Coffee at this hour tastes almost indulgent, warming both my body AND soul.

Time stands still.

Whisper-quiet moments to think...sort...reflect...plan.  To wonder.  Endearing moments nearest to my heart.

Having recommitted (again) in the last couple of weeks to a keener focus on my diet and eating habits, I systematically scrutinize each day's degree of success or failure.  It is no easy task in these long, cold, dreary winter days when we are starved for euphoria, confusing our physical appetites with our emotional appetites.  Take yesterday.  I caved around 3 pm when I discovered a forgotten bag of M&M's in my desk drawer that someone had given to me.  They'd found their way back to the far recesses somehow.  In my mind -- my MIND -- I thought I needed something sweet, deceived by indulgent urges for "comfort and joy."  I ate the M&M's.  One by one, pledging to stop after "this next one," until they were all gone.  And then I had three pieces of stale chocolate that had been in my candy jar on my desk since Christmas.  Shame taking stage, my guilt was consuming me.  Conversations with myself ensue.

Look at you.  What are you doing?  You've done so well, you're making progress, and you feel better, look better, and now this?  Why?  Are you proud of yourself?  Do you realize that this indulgence has set you up for the proverbial oh-to-hell-with-it evening binge that usually follows the initial white-flag lapse in focus?  Now what are you going to do about it?  What?  Where now?  How ya gonna fix this?

After drinking two big glasses of water and taking a cinnamon tablet from my pill dispenser (yes, I keep them on hand) to help regulate the blood sugar spike, I promised myself that I would exercise control for the rest of the evening, get in a good workout, and try my best to regain the focus I'd lost.

It worked.  On arriving home, I took a long walk, followed by five sets of 20 walking lunges around my neighborhood (what do people think when they look out their windows and see the crazy woman doing lunges out in the street?), and three run/walk intervals.  I'd worked up a great sweat, my mood was elevated, my focus corrected, and not surprisingly, my cravings had vanished.  I ended up eating a salad for dinner with a couple ounces of lean roast beef and a container of yogurt with green tea just before bed.

It's great to wake up respecting oneself.  Another day behind me, I embrace the challenges, temptations and sacrifices of a new one.  My goal was set two weeks ago.  May 31st.  Rid these 12-15 lbs that I've gained since Christmas before it gets completely out of hand.  How did I allow it to get THIS far?

Winter can be cruel.