No Bullshit, Please

Yesterday was a full docket in our courtroom, a mixture of civil motions throughout the morning, and a loaded afternoon of criminal hearings.  After taking one look at the size of our docket yesterday morning, I'm thinking:  RIGHT.  All of this in one day?  No way.  We'll never get done.  Where's the coffee!

But as I've long since learned, my judge is a no-nonsense judge.  He has cultivated an extremely sensitive bullshitometer.  He doesn't let people ramble on and on ad nauseam, he gets right to the point, and he makes sure they do likewise.   As he's known to say, "Let's get to the rat killin', Counsel."  Brevity rules. 

And as a seasoned veteran judge, he's not worried about speaking his mind.  Does it bother him that an appellate court might some day see his colorful remarks in the record on a case up for review?  Nah.  He's "the Duke" of Justice around here.  He boasts a reputation for "telling it like it is."  I like that in a person.  Got something to say, say it.  Don't mince words.  And then we can all move on.  No more burning daylight.  No pretense.  No guessing.  What you see is what you get.  He's the real deal. 

I ADORE HIM!



I should have begun long ago preserving excerpts of the record into some sort of earmarked archive, his more comical manifestations and witticisms.  The apocalypse bombshell moments of courtroom history.  That is what keeps my job exciting.   His own personal touch of melodrama to an otherwise tedious, humdrum day in court.

We made it through the docket in record time -- rocket-docket style.  Not easy on a court reporter by any means, but I'm not going to complain.  He's delightful.  And sometimes you gotta take the good with the bad.  I'm blessed.



MS. PROSECUTION:  Your Honor, do you want me to amend the Petition to include the [___] or just give them leave to attend the proceedings?

THE COURT:  Do I want?  Why would I want anything?  I'm not in the business up here of wanting.

MS. PROSECUTION:  Well, perhaps that was --

THE COURT:  I am here in the business of occasionally permitting, granting, or denying.  But I don't want. 

What is it you want?

MS. PROSECUTION:  I would prefer not to have to amend the Petition.

THE COURT:  Well, don't.

MS. PROSECUTION:  Thank you, Your Honor.

~~~~~~~~~~

THE COURT:  Put it in the Order, Counsel, that I consider this to be a medical necessity.  They will be ordered to provide the transportation. 

MS. ATTORNEY:  The Court is ordering them to provide transportation for the Respondents? 
THE COURT:  Yes.  And if they don't like it, they can come in here and bitch.