What's New?

 

I’ve said this countless times before.  I think I was born in the wrong era.  LOVE THIS MUSIC!

As I was having coffee this morning in the still of early morning, this piece by tenor saxophonist Dexter Gordon playing softly in the background, I found myself reflecting on the word “new.”

·       New Year

·       new attitude

·       new beginnings

·       new babies

·       new workout gloves

·       new resolutions

·       new fixtures for my bathroom

·       new roof

·       new manicure

·       new refrigerator

·       new front door

·       new music

I listed these in no particular order.  But on the eve of a new year’s dawning, I began to think of what changes I needed to make, both intangible and tangible, in the months ahead.  I remember last January and February going through all sorts of funky bottom-of-the-barrel moments with an overwhelming sadness that I could not seem to shake.  Not having experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree, it caught me off guard.  I wasn’t prepared for it.  I didn’t understand it.  I was helpless in overcoming it.  Powerless over the chains that bound me, I felt angry at myself.  I had no right to feel sad.  None.  Not when I compared myself to the rest of the world, the wrongs, the losses, sickness, tragedies.  Count your blessings already, T.  Get a frikkin grip.  This is pitiful!

Depression, I now know, is not something that can easily be fixed.  Depression can sneak up on us gradually, or it can hit us suddenly like a bat out of hell.  Either way, our first instinct is denial.   Depression?  Phew.  Not me.  I’m much bigger than this.  Snap out of it.  Just watch me.

But it’s not always that simple.

So as this new year arrives, I have already begun to wonder what effect the winter months will have on me.  Can you handle it, T?  Are you ready?  I think of the things in my life that leave me with a sense of discontent.  Sadness.  Frustration.   Restlessness.  Helplessness.  I ask myself:  What can I do to counter these negative emotions and make every day as productive as I can?  To make every day count?  To restore a sense of balance and accomplishment and trust and hope and courage and resilience to my life?

Often it’s as simple as finding distractions.  That word, distractions.  I use it a lot.  But it’s proved to be a very effective antidote for negative emotions.  Short-lived distractions.  Long-term distractions.  Just find something, anything, that demands an immediate focus, something that will fan the flame of my brain’s mental processes into victorious, productive action. 

And so my NEW list comes to mind.  Each of those will serve to hit my happy button and keep me afloat when I find myself sinking into the onset of melancholy.  My friend’s daughter, who lives in Georgia, gave birth to her first baby the day after Christmas.  Hearing the joy in her voice as she broke the news to me on the phone, I smiled to myself, imagining the sweet, soft skin of that new life, a little miracle resting in her grandma’s arms.  The epitome of blissfulness and joy. 

Santa surprised me with new workout gloves.  YAY.  What a thrill.  I kept proudly staring at them the other day at the gym, oh-yeah, look at me, new workout gloves.  Yep, I rock.  And I downloaded three new albums from Amazon (great specials they were running on Christmas Eve!) to enliven my world with fresh, upbeat and inspiring tunes.  Love it when my MP3 player channels to each new selection, renewing my energy and motivation with each rep, each set.   Oh, and new cookware, which I sorely needed--mine was on its very last pitiful dying breath.  HOW I look forward to making good use of those.   And, yes, a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure!  Woo-hoo!  Already trying to decide on a color.  Leaning toward a sexy winter hue, maybe Lincoln Park After Dark, or something similar.  And new earrings, which I’ve already worn – funny how such a simple thing like new earrings can lift me up! 

But the happiness that material things bring can be short-lived.  Quick fixes.  What are my long-term fixes of NEW? 

As I live and learn, I now know that there are ways to help counter negativity.  I will start with these resolutions and then wait expectantly to see how, if kept, they will galvanize my willpower and spirit to overcome.  Stay positive.  Bounce back.  Make a difference. 

·       This 50-Something Diva plans to resume a very clean diet, with only one cheat meal a week, tracking my food a minimum of five days a week.  Diet is 80-90% of successful health and fitness.  Been there.  Just do it.

·       I plan to hit the gym a minimum of four days each week.

·       I plan to do at least 30 minutes of cardio five to six days a week, beginning with my first ever spinning class – I’ve already signed up this coming Thursday at 6:00.  Can’t wait to try this out!

·       I plan to faithfully begin each day with reading the Bible, devotional study and prayer.

·       I resolve to visit my aging aunt once a week, but at a minimum twice a month.

·       I will make a list of five things each day that have made a positive difference in my life, and I won’t sleep until the list is complete.

·       I will perform random acts of kindness to people at least once a week, the more often, the better.

·       I will strive to make a difference in other people’s lives every.single.day.

·       I will befriend the least suspecting strangers.

·       I will laugh as often as possible, with as many people as possible.

·       I will stay in touch with my sisters and make an effort to plan meaningful visits with them.

·       I will try to reduce the clutter in my life.

·       I will commit to taking the Realtime exam again in May (it’s given twice a year), my nerves having once again prevented me from passing in November.  (How is it that I was able to walk out onto a stage in front of a sea of people in a tiny bikini at MY AGE and pose, smile, walk confidently, nail that “production,” but I can’t overcome the anxiety-inducing shaking and nervousness every damn time I take that test?)

·       I will repeat to myself each day:  ”Never, ever, ever give up.”

 It is a new year. 

Am I ready?

BRING IT ON.